Not quite broken

Maybe I’m dreaming, but it’s like something switched over in me, and I’ve become quite good at managing the daily Trump dump. I know it’s there, this brutal attack on democratic values, and I refuse to look away, but I found a place to park it in my brain where it doesn’t drive me crazy every single day.

Oh, and don’t ask for help because I have no idea how I finally got there or if it will last. All I know is that it felt like everything was broken, and it occurred to me I didn’t survive cancer twice to be this miserable over things I can’t control.  

I’ve been feeling good. Not quite broken after all. We are planning to join a June 14 protest. This would be in opposition to Trump’s multi-million dollar, tax-payer funded military parade in Washington, D.C. for his 79th birthday. I am reminded that my mother died on her birthday.

What I’m eating

My sourdough has been giving me fits. The last few loaves tasted good, but I wasn’t getting the rise I want. I did a bit of troubleshooting and came to the conclusion my starter isn’t strong enough. When you feed starter, you are also supposed to discard some of it. I always felt that was wasteful, even though I know you can save the discard and use it for other things. So, I didn’t do it.

But discarding some of the starter each time you feed it strengthens the brew. I guess mine was too diluted. I went back to discarding, and sure enough, my starter perked up. This last loaf looks great to me!  

I made spanakopita this week. That would be layers of buttered phyllo dough stuffed with spinach, feta cheese, eggs and yogurt – and then seasoned with onion, garlic, dill, mint, lemon zest and nutmeg. And sprinkles of Pecorino Romano cheese between the layers. Baked until crispy golden brown. It’s normally an appetizer, but I cut larger pieces, and we ate it as an entrée.

Both of us have quite a Mexican Jones going on most of the time. This week, I made slow cooker jalapeño pulled pork and used the filling to make oven-baked taquitos. Dale made a white queso for dipping, plus we had some homemade salsa verde.

There was a wee mishap with the slow cooker. Mine came with a temperature probe, which I have never used. In one of my fuzzier moments I put the probe in the bottom of the base unit for safe keeping and then put the ceramic liner on top. I never realized the probe was still there.

The pork was perfect, but when I took out the liner so I could put it in the dishwasher, I saw something odd stuck to the base unit and then icky brown stuff around it like blood from a crime scene. I thought, why, that looks like the probe!

Dale was able to pry it off, and while the probe is toast, the slow cooker seems no worse for the wear.

What I’m watching

Many thanks to Sheila, a friend here at Retirement Confidential, for alerting me to a new season of The Mountain Detective on PBS Passport.

I confess to watching Reacher on Amazon Prime. That was part of my stress epiphany. Per my boycott, I’m still spending next to nothing on Amazon, but I love my digital content and decided Jeff can have a few bucks if it makes me happy.

What I’m reading

I mentioned Jar City in an earlier post. This is the first in a crime series by Icelandic writer Arnaldur Indriðason featuring Inspector Elendur. I’ve since read two more, and I believe there are 11 in the series. This might be my favorite new-to-me series.

The Cold, Cold Ground is the first Detective Sergeant Sean Duffy novel by Adrian McKinty. The setting is 1980s Ireland. Complex politics, sometimes hard to follow, but I liked it very much. There are eight books in the series.

I’m a fan of the Irish crime series by Benjamin Black featuring Quirke, a pathologist in Dublin during the 1950s. There’s also a Boston connection. Christine Falls is the first of seven. The Silver Swan was number two, and I have number three by my bedside.

World of Trouble was the finale to The Last Policeman trilogy. The story is about what happens to people and families when they believe an asteroid will destroy Earth in a matter of months. For a grim subject, it’s an entertaining read. At first I didn’t like the ending, but it haunts me. There is darkness, yet there is light. Detective Hank Palace is a character you will not soon forget.

Just this morning I finished The Summer Guests by Tess Gerritsen. This is second after The Martini Club about a group of retired CIA agents in Maine. Highly entertaining. Now I want to explore her other novels.

I’ve read three of the Veronica Speedwell novels by Deanna Raybourn. The first was A Curious Beginning. The setting is Victorian England, and Veronica is an adventurous natural historian who specializes in butterflies. Due to unforeseen circumstances, she partners with another natural historian to solve crimes. He also happens to be sort of hunky. Such great escapism, and there are nine in the series. Yay.

Last but not least, I started the Maisie Dobbs series by Jacqueline Winspear. The first is actually titled Maisie Dobbs. A former servant, she evolves to become a nurse during World War I and returns home to continue her education and become a private investigator slash psychologist. If I got this right, there are 18 books in the series. Double yay. 

Make America nice again

Although my sister and I were raised Catholic, my mother had a loose interpretation of her role in our religious upbringing. I have a vague memory of being confirmed around age 13 but a vivid recollection of my mom’s reaction.

Once that box was checked, we could decide for ourselves how to proceed along our spiritual path. Her job was done. With no further ado, I opted out of all religious activity and never looked back.

All that to say I was surprised by my reaction to the new pope. I’m a little weepy with joy. Normally, I would not give a hoot one way or the other, but this guy arrives at a time when a compassionate American voice with over a billion followers is much needed and more than welcome.

Someone whose spiritual beliefs run deeper than mine said it was like God said whoa, these people need some help. While I’m still suspicious about all things religious, it does give me hope to believe that not everyone in the public eye is full of hate and retribution.

Make America nice again!

In other news, Dale and I have both been nursing creaky body parts. Knees, back – you name it. I attribute it all to stress. We’re both fiery balls of anger these days, and it’s not a good thing. We thought a punching bag might be useful, I mean, a real one not just each other. But I figured that would lead to more injuries. Maybe a rage room?

I’ve been working hard to lighten up. Balance civic responsibility with simple pleasures. Forgive, forget. All that. And it helps! Dale, ever the stoic Mainer, refused to say he’s doing anything different, but I drop little positivity bombs on him when he’s not looking, and I think they help him, too. We’re just not meant to be this mad all the time.

We’re talking about more local travel. Trying restaurants again. Maybe we’ll get lucky. I quickly realized my golf attire is probably not suitable for going out. Which means I went shopping. I haven’t worn jeans in years, mostly because I love all the stretchy stuff from Atheta. But I actually went into real stores and discovered denim has come a long way.

I guess skinny jeans are still there, but the choices are much improved. One current look I love is the loose-fitting wide-legged jean. I bought one high-end pair at Nordstrom and one inexpensive pair at Kohl’s. They are both lightweight and will be great for summer. And I bought new t-shirts to go with. If and when we venture out again, I will be ready!

Since I’m such an insecure shopper, I had to text my young stylish friend and get her opinion. If you can get past my filthy bathroom mirror, you will see these are the Paige jeans from Nordstrom. I couldn’t get the full-length view, but they are quite flared and slightly cropped. My adviser approved! I had buyer’s remorse that night, but I’m keeping them.

It has been so long since I did any serious shopping in a store, but it does make a difference to actually see the clothes and try them on. I loved the selection of jeans for normal people. Shorts were in short supply, so I went for flowy pants.

Maybe this is all part of my turning-70-this-year phase, but I want to look a little better when I’m out and about. I was at the library in my workout gear and a hat because my hair looked so bad, and there was this older woman in nice jeans with her hair all groomed, and I thought, OK, I can do better.

Next stop is the hair. I’ve been growing out the bob, and the question is whether I go back to it or keep going so I can wear it up. I did love it when my hair was longer and I could always count on a quick updo when I needed to go somewhere. The bob was cute and suited my hair type, but it requires a daily blow-dry, and you know, I’m retired. No time for that!

Finally, I finally finished Number 43, which took a year. What with the election and all. It’s not my best work, but I like it nonetheless. The duck is a tribute to my favorite golf course duck that died last year.

I experimented with an engraver (the two globes on the right) and didn’t like it much. I might try again with different wood.

Smoke ’em if you got ’em

When the weather got warm, I said cool, maybe we should go somewhere. Stay at a fancy hotel, eat some fancy food? Just a little overnighter to shake off the first 100 days. We’re losing money like everyone else, but I thought, what the hell, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

That’s a military expression that might translate to spend it before you die.

It was good to get away, but I guess we’re not fancy people. The hotel was just OK, and the restaurant sucked. The whole trip felt like one giant rip-off. We couldn’t wait to head for home.

The kitty was happy to see us, mostly because the weather turned cold again, and the heat quit while we were gone.  

I called the HVAC people, and a cheery little voice answered, “Thank you for calling California Heating and Air, how can I make you smile?” Well, you could skip all that for starters, but I did not say that in my outside voice. I explained the situation, and they scheduled a technician for Saturday morning.

But then the heat started working, and we were not eager to have someone in our space. I called back and canceled.

Then the heat quit working. I could not bear the thought of hearing that cheery little voice again and was prepared to ride out the storm, but Dale convinced me to call and see if we could get back on the schedule. Yes, they said, we would be second up on Saturday morning.

The guy arrives and goes up into the attic where the unit resides and comes down with a dead bird in a plastic bag. Something about a clog in the system. We paid almost $100 for the visit.

But then the heat kept cranking and cranking. Dale turned it off completely, but it wouldn’t quit. Within a few hours, the temperature was 80 and rising. I called back, and they still wanted to know how they could make me smile.

As it happens, the guy could come back later in the afternoon. I almost smiled but not quite.

We really didn’t think he would show, and the only thing we could figure out was flipping the breaker. It was after 5 p.m. when he arrived, and he headed straight for the attic. He mistakenly left what looked like baby jumper cables, which I presume helped him start the system manually. Except it stayed on manual.

Once he retrieved the cables, the heat returned to normal. The guy was nice, and it was the end of the day, and I was about to pour a shot of Jameson Black Barrel. Enjoying it before the tariffs kick in. I offered him a shot, but he said he had two more stops to make. I guess his Saturday sucked more than ours.

I made stacked bison enchiladas loaded with melted cheddar cheese and topped with a runny fried egg, and we watched the season finale of Matlock. I said, well, this week turned into kind of a bust. Dale said, well, yeah, but that counts as a jazzed up couple of days for us. Pathetic but true.

Once again, I need to re-think our travel strategy. We really aren’t that eager to go anywhere, but we both find the change of pace and scenery is good for us. There are plenty of great places within a short drive. But we need to figure out what makes us happy, and fancy ain’t it.

I believe our days of fine dining are over. As foodies, our expectations are as high as the prices, and the quality of food just isn’t worth it these days.

On the reading front, I enjoyed Jar City, the first in a crime series by Icelandic author Arnaldur Indriðason featuring Inspector Erlendur. I liked it very much, and it looks like there are 11 of them! Iceland uses first names for phone books and such, so my library catalogues these books under A for Arnaldur.

One small step and then another one

One day this week I opened the morning newspaper and just laid my head down on the table and cried. The sad part is I don’t even remember what it was. There’s something new every day, and there’s no bottom.

Like so many people, I’ve overcome a lot in life, and after the drama of youth, I’m happy to be happy. On the cusp of 70, I want to enjoy my time on the planet and ignore everything that isn’t pleasant. But there’s a tiny problem. I have all these quotes dancing around in my head, and one of them is about what happens when good men do nothing. Something about the triumph of evil.

I keep singing Guns of Brixton. The Clash.

The money feels good
And your life you like it well
But surely your time will come
As in Heaven as in Hell

Or maybe a little Pink Floyd. Wish You Were Here.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell? Blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?

So, I guess I’m in it. Not happily, I’ll admit that. I try not to think about it all the time. I try to remember I still have a great life, and there is much goodness and beauty to behold. Dale and I still make each other laugh. I’ll write what I need to write, say what I need to say, donate money to organizations fighting the good fight and otherwise protest when I can.

One small step and then another one.

For the record, NostraDonna predicted weeks ago that Trump and his cronies were using tariffs to game the stock market. I Googled it multiple times and found nothing to support my suspicions. Even Dale said, oh, no, that’s a stretch. Now, insider trading news is all over the place, and I hope somebody somewhere gets nailed over it.

What I’m eating

We had leftover roast chicken, so Dale made chicken tortilla soup yesterday, and it was spectacular. I grew up eating Mexican food in Southern California, but I had never even heard of this until sometime in the 90s and had my first bowl in South Carolina, if you can believe that.

Ours is a spicy base made with fire roasted tomatoes, garlic, onions and poblano peppers seasoned with a Pendery’s chili powder called Fire and Smoke (not for the feint of heart). The shredded chicken goes in toward the end. We serve it in big bowls, and then we each do our own toppings – crumbled queso fresco, chopped cilantro, avocado chunks, fried tortilla strips and a wedge of lime. A frosty beer to go with!

The recipe makes four servings, so we freeze half of it. When that second one goes, we’re always thinking about roasting another chicken just so we can have the soup again. We never get sick of it.

Over the weekend, Dale grilled a chuck roast. We called it Chunk ‘O Beef. I am sometimes known as Side Dish Mama, so to live up to the hype, I made zucchini sauteed with onions and mushrooms along with potato halves stuffed with sour cream and chives and topped with cheddar cheese. It was warm enough to eat outside, which was great.

I know the price of eggs is all the rage, but someone needs to investigate the price of chives. I should really try growing my own.

What I’m watching

I canceled Amazon Prime but still have access until mid-May, when it expires. That means I’m squeezing in Bosch Legacy. It’s good, but I’m pretty much done with that series. I’ve missed my shows on PBS Passport.

Dale doesn’t watch much TV, but we are both enjoying Matlock with Kathy Bates. I like her as an actor, and I also feel a personal connection. Like me, Kathy is BRCA-positive and has had both ovarian and breast cancer. There aren’t many of us walking around.

What I’m reading

I read Countdown City, the second book in the Last Policeman Trilogy by Ben Winters. An asteroid headed for Earth is expected to destroy the planet within months, and the story follows a young detective as everything around him devolves. One might think it would be depressing, considering our current situation, but I have not found that to be the case. It’s interesting to see how people cope, particularly how they cope with the unknown. There are lessons to be learned. I can’t wait to see how it ends.

Previously, I’ve mentioned Kills Well with Others by Deanna Raybourn, and it turns out she’s quite a prolific writer. I thoroughly enjoyed A Curious Beginning, the first in the Veronica Speedwell mysteries. The setting is Victorian England, and Veronica is by her own definition an “old maid.” However, she’s also a butterfly expert and world traveler with a mysterious past that begins to unravel. Yes, there’s murder. And perhaps a bit of romance?

I have three library books by my bedside, and the clock is ticking, so I need to get moving on them. Our library has done away with overdue fees, but for me, that pressure to get them back in time will never go away. I’ll report on those books in due time. Get it??? Due time?

Our first protest

Dale and I went to an April 5 Hands Off protest! Neither one of us had ever been to a protest before, although once back in the 80s, we joined a small group of women and drove our Fiat 124 Spider convertible through the streets of Chambersburg, Pa. shouting, “Hey, Hey, What Do You Say? Ratify the ERA!”

A lot of good that did.

I signed us up, but I didn’t really want to go. I was looking for an excuse to get out of it, but Dale persisted. He gets points for leading the way, but I clearly outperformed him on signage. We both feel like we could do better next time.

The signs were amazing, and some were downright hilarious. Much to my regret, I didn’t get any good pictures, but I think my favorite was a picture of Trump and the words, Does this ass make my sign look big?

There were two nearby events. One required going into downtown Sacramento. We are complete novices on the downtown area, so we went with the one in Roseville, another suburb. The protest was outside a big mall, so parking was a breeze. It’s about a 30-minute drive from our house.

Roseville is fairly conservative by California standards, but the streets were packed. My guess is several thousand were there. It was incredible. Lots and lots of people drove by waving, thumbs up and honking in support. A few flipped us off, but that’s OK. I’ve flipped off plenty of anti-abortion protesters in my day.

We stayed almost two hours. They warned us there would be no bathrooms other than in the mall, so without doing a full Cory Booker, we decided to leave when we had to pee.

Dale and I both had tears in our eyes much of the time. Just to know that so many of our neighbors understand the threats we face was so gratifying. There were also a lot of signs with variations on Hate Doesn’t Make America Great or Make America Nice Again.

After a hard day of protest, we came home and Dale grilled up some bison burgers, and we went to bed early.

We will do this as many times as we have to. If for some reason you can’t quite see yourself in the streets, depending on the location, you might be able to drive by the protest site and honk in support. Such a simple act, but we could feel the energy.

The people are rising!

Cats and cars

I was quickly scanning the news and saw something about cat tariffs. I’m like, come on, this is ridiculous! Enough is enough! Will they stop at nothing?

Then I looked again and saw it was car tariffs. Oh. So different, cats and cars. One is practically a necessity and the other is just transportation.

While I’m not up for political anger today, and believe me, I have plenty, I will share my Amazon boycott is going great. My original goal was to reduce my spending on Amazon by 50 percent, but I might go the distance. I have not purchased a single thing from Amazon this year!

My Prime expires in May, and I’m pretty sure I will cancel it. And Dale is canceling his Washington Post subscription. Not needing you, Jeff, you meddling prick oligarch.

What I’m eating

We had a couple of nice days, and Dale cut up a chicken and smoked it on the grill. It was just gorgeous – I call it mahogany chicken. The first night we had it with roasted potato salad made with fennel and a sour cream/mayonnaise mix. He had me at fennel. Yum.

Then we had the leftover chicken chopped up in a salad with spring greens, red onion, mandarin oranges, spiced walnuts, crumbled gorgonzola cheese and homemade raspberry vinaigrette.

We finished that bad boy up with chicken tacos. As is often the case, we had a lot of filling, so some of that got frozen to be used later in burritos and such.

Oh, and I made one of my faves … Instant Pot bison curry with spinach and coconut milk. I made homemade naan to go with. Two servings went into the freezer.

Actually, we’ve been going through the freezer, which is rewarding in its own way. And our freezer food is most excellent. We’re back to cold and rainy weather, so tonight is soup. We had two individual servings of soup, so Dale’s having the white bean and sausage, and I’m going for the turkey carcass soup I made after Thanksgiving.

I’m making cheddar and red pepper drop biscuits to go with. We like carbs in this house.

What I’m watching

I thought I would miss the shows on Amazon Prime, but I don’t, so I will not have a problem giving them up when my Prime expires. I also decided I watch very little Netflix, so that got axed as well. For subscriptions, I’m down to the Classic Sci Fi Movie Channel and PBS Passport.

What can I say? I love PBS Passport, and I spent some time loading up my list with great shows. I finished The Mountain Detective. Hopefully, new seasons are forthcoming. I think it was the last episode where they showed a view of Alex’s butt as he got in the shower, and if all else fails, that’s worth another look.

For some reason, I really like the French shows. The content is excellent, and the language is soothing. Now I’m watching The Paris Murders featuring Chloe, an “intuitive” profiler who helps solve cases in the Paris homicide division. I like it a lot, and there are bunches of seasons, so that’s good.

A few I added to my list include: Poldark, Howard’s End and Prime Suspect.

What I’m reading    

I finally got The Onyx Storm from the library, and I just couldn’t get into it. I read the first two in the series and enjoyed them very much, but I think they really are targeted to a younger audience. The sex scenes are sort of silly and adolescent, in my humble opinion. Maybe I need to read about old people getting it on.

Kills Well with Others by Deanna Raybourn was a fun read. This is the second in her series about four women who happen to be retired assassins, but alas, they are called back to active duty.

And I’m still on my Irish crime kick. Broken Harbor by Tana French is a crime novel but more psychological than most. It was twisted, I’ll say that.

Just today I finished The Killing of the Tinkers by Ken Bruen. This was the second in his Jack Taylor series. I love these books, but you have to like it dark. He’s an alcoholic ex-policeman who finds trouble and sometimes solves crimes. The author laces the drama with lots of literary and musical references.

Weekend at Bernie’s

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to sort out my thoughts on the current political drama, but I can’t quite get there. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. Every time I land on an idea or form an opinion about what is happening in America and what to do about it, doubt or misinformation creeps in, and there I am, stuck in Lodi again.

While I’m not afraid to criticize the government or those who fuck with it, I’ve thought about quitting or at least changing the subject because it’s too damned depressing. But if there was ever a time to speak up about injustice, this is it.

All that to say I gave AOC some money. Bernie’s next. With their “Fighting Oligarchy” tour, these two are showing great leadership in the face of billionaire bad guys running amok and threatening all aspects of American life. I used to think Bernie and AOC were too far left and ruined it for the rest of us well-meaning Democrats.

Now I see they have a point. After the current administration kicked in, I was fired up to save democracy and would have been happy to go back to the way it was. Status quo was fine with me. Sure, I knew our form of government was flawed, but I figured we could sort that out once we stopped the bleeding.

Bernie and AOC are opening my eyes to the reality that economic inequality is at the core of what’s wrong with our country. Until now, I mostly ignored it because even though I grew up in a low-income working class family, I was able to climb my way out. The system pretty much worked for me.

However, the system pretty much sucks for a lot of people. I was entrenched in this idea they probably made bad choices or didn’t have the will rise above it, but I now accept that what worked for many of us when we ventured out into the labor pool 50-something years ago isn’t the key to success today or tomorrow. Everything has changed.

There is a lot of bad stuff going down right now. It’s a lot to absorb, and any kind of discussion with friends and family usually ends in a food fight. Perhaps I’m naive, but what if we talked about how we can make our economy work for everyone? That conversation has the potential to expand across all parties and all ideologies. And that gives me a tiny glimmer of hope.

Ready? I’ll go first. How about everyone paying their fair share of taxes?

Resistance? There’s an app for that

If you’re still on the fence about whether to contact your elected officials about Trump, Musk and other bad actors in Washington, there’s a tool that might make it easier for you. The tool is a free app named 5 Calls.  

I downloaded it a couple of weeks ago and have found it exceptionally helpful. Once you plug in your address, the app identifies your legislators. The home screen lists top issues and provides talking points that articulate the progressive position.

Yes, the app is proudly partisan. And non-profit.

Once you decide what you’re going to say, you click on who you want to call first and the process begins. I arrived for an appointment early last week and thought, oh, I have time to make a few calls. I sat in my car and used the app to contact my legislators about the spending bill.

While I prefer emails, I’ve read calling is more effective. Speaking spontaneously is a challenge, but it got easier when I figured out shorter is better. On my first attempt, I got a voice mail and was cut off after I blathered on too long. Now I just say my name, where I live and then one or two sentences about the issue. I try to remember they’re probably just keeping some sort of log in favor or against, and so that’s really all you have to say.

What I’m eating

Late last year, I made a list of our winter comfort foods, and we’ve been knocking them off one by one. Dale made chile verde last week, and I made flour tortillas to go with. There’s only one more to go – venison meatloaf.

The weather is starting to warm up, although we’re getting another week of cooler temperatures and rain, so there’s still time to finish the job. Tomorrow is the big washout, so I’m thinking venison meatloaf, asparagus and garlic mashed potatoes.

Dale bought some gorgeous artichokes, so I cooked those this morning, and they’re chilling in the fridge. They’re huge, so we’ll just have artichokes for dinner. Occasionally I make aioli but most of the time we just make a dipping sauce from store-bought mayonnaise mixed with some good olive oil.

There’s still coconut cake in the freezer, so, you know, tick tock, tick tock. That might be a tasty breakfast on a cold rainy morning. Oh? Is that tomorrow? What a coincidence.

What I’m watching

My original pledge to reduce spending on Amazon by 50 percent morphed, and it’s pretty close to a complete boycott. I’m no longer watching movies or shows on Amazon. There are plenty of other streaming services to choose from.

We like a bad sci-fi movie on Friday nights with pizza, and we used to order them on Amazon. But I switched to the Classic Sci Fi Movie Channel, and it has been so fun. Attack of the Giant Leeches, Attack of the Crab Monsters, She Demons. Only the finest. Sometimes the sound quality isn’t the best, but we make do.

I’m also burning through season 2 of The Mountain Detective on PBS Passport.  Former policeman Alex Hugo leaves the big city to find peace in the French Alps but ends up confronting violence in paradise. The show is in French with subtitles.

I’ve read it’s filmed on location, and the scenery is breathtaking. Too bad about all that crime!

Alex is Mr. Mountain Man and never leaves home without climbing ropes and all that stuff. When they’re talking about a place they need to go, he might say something like, “that’s a three-day walk.” I sort of love that, and even though I have no interest in climbing, just seeing an older man in good physical condition stomping about the mountains keeps me motivated to do my exercises.

What I’m reading

The library is my friend. My recently completed list includes:

Locked In by Jussi Adler-Olsen. This is the last of the Department Q series featuring Danish detective Carl Mørck. Sometimes finales suck, but this was great, and I absolutely loved the ending.

Pro Bono by Thomas Perry. A young lawyer who specializes in financial crime tries to help a young widow recover money embezzled from her late husband’s accounts. Oh, and the lawyer has a shady past.

The Last Policeman by Ben Winters. Published in 2012, this is the first in a trilogy about a young detective trying to solve crimes even though everyone knows the world will end in six months when an asteroid collides with Earth. It’s not as dark as you would think, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Can’t wait to read the other two.

Guide Me Home by Attica Locke. Another finale to a three-part series featuring Texas Ranger Darren Mathews. I tell myself I don’t want to read about current events in fiction, but it’s actually way better than reading the news. Let’s hear it for the arts!

Darren, who is black, spent most of his career fighting white supremacists and framed a bad guy for murdering a member of the Aryan Brotherhood because he wouldn’t let a black man go to prison for killing him. Now Darren is facing indictment. And plenty of self-loathing. It’s a compelling story.

My physical therapy journey

This month marks a year since I started physical therapy. I thought I’d share the highlights of my journey … you know, just in case your body isn’t functioning as advertised. If physical therapy is an option, this might help you weigh the pros and cons.

I originally started physical therapy after several bouts of debilitating sciatica, presumably caused by spinal stenosis. Other body parts soon cried out for attention, and my PT helped me work through those issues as well. Medicare is my primary insurance, and Tricare for Life is my secondary. Other than deductibles, I have paid zero out-of-pocket expenses.

When I first started, I went weekly. Since then, I’ve averaged twice a month. During my 30-minute visit, we review my home exercise program, and the PT uses manual therapy to treat whatever hurts the most that day.  

My home program started with exercises to strengthen my core. There’s no universal prescription, but my routine includes dead bugs, forearm planks, Pallof holds and slow sit-ups using a resistance band to help get me up and down. It takes about an hour to complete them all, and I usually do them every other day. It’s a commitment.

It took about six weeks of regular exercise to feel any difference, but I’ve had very little back or leg pain since. I had one flare-up around Christmas, but it only lasted a couple of days. Early in my treatment, he massaged the glutes to relieve sciatic pain, but my back has been remarkably responsive to the exercise regime.

My other bad actors are knees and wrists. We shall start with wrists. I broke both of them about 15 years ago, and they haven’t been the same since. I’ve had tests and seen specialists, and the only thing they found is thumb arthritis.

I usually wear thumb braces at night, and they help a lot. My PT also massages my wrists and the base of my thumb, and that is hugely helpful. I try to copy his technique between visits. One of the exercises for my back also helps my wrists, and that is the marching carry. I do high-step marches around the house for a few minutes with my arms hanging down but carrying 8-pound weights. I started with 5-pounds and am working my way up.

My wrists are better. I just have to be careful – it’s easy to over-do an exercise and go back to square one.

Both knees have been abused for many years overdoing it in sports activities, but the right one is mostly OK. The left one hurts a lot, and we’ve spent months working on some relief. We started with lunges and squats to strengthen the quadriceps, and that was working well. By September, I had graduated to leg extensions on the machines. But it was too much, and my knee went batshit crazy.

I am no stranger to pain, so believe me when I say this was bad. But there was no popping or anything like that. Just intense burning pain that would come on fast and then go away. The doctor ordered an MRI, which shows cartilage damage and a possible meniscus tear, but the she said that could be degenerative and not necessarily an acute injury.

The worst of the pain was gone by late November. I was back to whatever passes for normal by the beginning of the year, so the PT put me back on leg extensions but this time at home first using no weights at all and then adding 2.5-pound weights. I just increased to 5-pound weights, and so far, so good.

This is the best my knees have felt in a long, long time. As I’ve read about chronic knee pain, you  have to think of it as “cartilage time.” Nothing happens fast. My PT wants me to keep working with the ankle weights with a long-term plan to go eventually back to the machines. I suspect lunges and squats are in my future as well.

I was thinking today – geez – what’s this weird feeling? Oh, yeah, my body feels pretty good! It has not been a perfect journey. That little setback with my knees was brutal, and I wanted to give up. But I knew quitting wasn’t going to get me out of this hole. I did not want to be hobbling around on bad knees forever if I could do anything about it. I saw the solution as a matter of patience and persistence.

And that’s my final thought if you are considering physical therapy. It’s not a spa. You have to make yourself do these damn exercises, but the results for me have been worth it. I’m active … walking, swimming and playing golf, sometimes with a little pain and sometimes not, but I’m still active. The only thing I take for pain is the occasional Advil and have so far avoided surgery.

If this is as good as it gets, I’ll take it, but I am hopeful continuing PT will bring further improvement. I keep joking with the PT that I’ll be 70 in September — he’s got until then to get me fixed up. Maybe it’s crazy talk, but I want to start my 70s feeling strong.

Put your oxygen mask on first

In the continuing adventures of Comrade Trump Goes to Washington, I find myself angry and depressed. I know what you’re saying … hey, lady, take a number. Still, I continue to ruminate because I am not happy being unhappy.

Today I thought I’d share where I am headed because you can read about Outrage of the Day anywhere, but maybe a nugget or two on how to stay sane might be a good way for me to contribute.

Like many of you, I am healthy and have a good life. I do not take any of it for granted. While I want to do my part to stop this madness, reading about it and thinking about it is probably worse than living it. Yet here we are.

I rejected my first option, which was to drink heavily and stay in bed until it’s over. Instead, I asked myself, is there a way to compartmentalize? To do the right thing but somehow enjoy life?

Here’s where I landed:

  • Turn off the fire hose. I’m all about staying informed, but I don’t need to be convinced. All of it is bad, and some of it is worse than the rest. Immersing myself in news and opinion does not make it better. Seriously, it wrecks me. I can feel it in my body. I can feel it in my brain. I don’t sleep well. So, I’m reading enough to be articulate, enough so I can share my opinion when it has the potential to make a difference.
  • Accept the burden. No one is coming to save us. You can hope the courts will fix it or the Republicans will implode, but in the end, each of us must stand up for Democracy. We can all help in different ways, but we can’t look away and hope for the best. I’ve already said I’m not much of an activist and don’t want to be, but this is reality. Sign on the dotted line.
  • Know your limits. Even the smallest gestures count. I may not be a superstar in this opposition, but I can participate in some way without guilt or shame. I’m donating to organizations fighting it all in court. I’ve been writing and calling my elected officials. I had to let go of all the “why bother” doubt about whether my effort makes an impact. My new mantra is assume it does and then do it again.
  • Enjoy simple pleasures. We might be hanging on by a thread, but I still believe in the inalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That’s kind of what this whole thing is all about, but it was still a bit of a shock to realize it’s OK to tune out and enjoy yourself.

In other words, put your oxygen mask on first.