I’ve always been a feminist. Had the t-shirts, wore the pins. My first published essay was in 8th grade arguing girls should be allowed to wear pants to school. I wrote scathing letters to the editor over the years and marched for the Equal Rights Amendment. Dale drove our red Fiat 124 Spider in a parade of sorts, while I held the placard and shouted:
Hey, hey, what do you say, ratify the ERA!
One could argue I became lazy or complacent with age, but I discovered who I really was and gradually lost interest in making a political statement. Instead, I’ve been living my life as a feminist and voting as a liberal Democrat. Writing about politics or joining protest movements is not my interest or my strength.
But sometimes one must speak up. In my July 4th blog post, I wrote about the decay of civility. And I made a vow to stop being angry with people who voted for Trump. Humans ought to be able to disagree on a wide variety of topics yet still plow forth in pursuit of goodness.
There are dark forces and people with bad intent in this mix, and that doesn’t mean I have to quietly accept their deeds, but it also doesn’t mean I have to come out of the gate screaming. The world has endured terrible leaders, but that was before we all started hating each other. Perhaps we can withstand any political regime if we stop being assholes.
As part of this awakening, I started to reconsider social media. It seemed like I was wasting a lot of time hoping for “likes” when I should be shaping thoughts or even talking with my husband! I also found social media to be rather depressing. Plenty of stories in my feed reaffirmed my beliefs, but if validation and group think is what we’re going for, we may as well watch Fox News.
I enjoyed feeling connected to like-minded people, but it didn’t make me any less lonely. I play golf with women whose names I can barely remember, yet I know your child’s birthday, because you posted those adorable pictures. I love meeting people through blogging and other internet forums, but maybe it’s also time to get to know the people down the street? Even if they turn out to be Republicans.
By the time I finished reading Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now, I decided to disengage from most forms of social media. Twitter and Instagram are already gone. FaceBook will be deleted soon. I’m keeping LinkedIn and maybe Pinterest.
The book’s author, Jaron Lanier, explains how mostly Google and FaceBook use information you share to make money, sow discord and manipulate groups of people he calls “packs.” The algorithms that drive these social media platforms are apolitical – it’s all about social engineering and money. The unexpected consequence is the loss of civility. The uglier it gets out there, the greater your chances of going viral.
I’ve posted a notice on my Retirement Confidential FaceBook page. I’ll be shutting it down in a few days and invited readers to enjoy my blog on this website or via email subscription. I’ve added a few more subscribers, so thank you very much for the follows! You can still share my posts on your own social media pages by using the links in the sidebar on the left or at the bottom of each post.
Lanier’s book pushed me further in a direction I was already going. You may read it and say, I like social media! And that’s fine. We all have to make the decisions that feel right for us.
On a personal note, I will continue to read news sources such as The Washington Post and The New York Times so I can piece together what is important to know and what isn’t. I will continue to engage with bloggers and other internet friends. But I’m also looking for opportunities to engage at a local level. I’m focusing more on kindness and interpersonal relationships … being social without social media.
Letting go of my hostility and expanding my concept of being social has already made me feel happier. I understand anger can galvanize people to take much-needed political action, and I am grateful for their activism. But we’re not all wired for that path. I can support them without having to be them.
For me, anger is a soul sucker.