Everything I’m reading says good health and happy retirements are associated with strong social networks. I’ve worked hard to stay healthy and am loving retirement, but I am failing as a friend, and I’m going to fix it.
About the only thing I can say in my defense is that we moved more than 20 times during our careers. We never established roots, never got to know people in the community. We met our friends at work, and now they are scattered. We haven’t always done a good job of staying in touch. But that’s not really the issue.
The crux of the problem seems to be how I approach life. I’m task-oriented, which can be a good thing. Until it goes bad. Early in my career I was all about the job, all about the work and didn’t pay much attention to relationships. After my first cancer experience, I figured out work wasn’t everything in life, and I started paying attention to people. I discovered I liked people more than the work itself. An unintended consequence? My career blossomed.
Yet I still struggle with this mentality of mine. Retirement. Do I just retire? No, I start a blog about retirement. Even my interest in medical cannabis is task-oriented. Most people just go out a buy some pot. Not me. I read all the literature, bookmark all the websites, subscribe to all the newsletters and attend specialized training in the cannabis industry.
And then there’s golf, my hobby of choice. For many years, I just went out as a single and played with strangers. I was all about golf, so that was fine with me. But in retirement, I play more golf and the singles lifestyle wasn’t cutting it.
Dale and I always joke the only thing we’ve ever joined was a wine club (because we’re joiners). However, I bit the bullet and joined several women’s golf leagues. I’m having a great time, but it has been an adjustment playing with the same people week after week. Relationships matter.
I’m friendly and have been told I’m fun to play with, but when I’m done, I’m ready to go home. My task is over. The other women like to gather in the clubhouse and socialize. I forced myself to join the party last week and realized this is a perfect opportunity to strengthen my social network. Friends! Right there, practically built-in. It’s time to get out of task mode.
The idea is to relax and have fun with real people in real life who have similar interests. How hard can it be? Just to make sure I’m fully prepared, I did some research and invested in a social lubricant we call birdie juice. Bird Dog Peach Whiskey. Someone makes a birdie, everyone gets a shot.
Baby steps.
If you figure out how to sit around after a game of golf and just “talk”, please let me know! I love doing things with friends, and talking while I’m doing things, but like you I’m ready to go home afterwards. People where I live throw parties at their homes. I love it for an hour, sometimes like it for up to two, and then I’m literally crawling out of my skin with the need to leave. Guess I’m missing that “hang out doing nothing for hours but talking” gene.
I know what you mean. I played today and really wanted to go home afterward, but I stayed. Thank goodness one of the women had excellent social skills. She made it easy. The birdie juice was popular, so I’ve got that going for me.
I am an introvert by nature and normally don’t enjoy that sort of thing if there are too many people (I think about 3 – 4 would be my limit). I’ve just never been good at making small talk with people I don’t know well. I do admire your intentions, though. Living in the same town I grew up in is a luxury. I have plenty of friends and don’t need to make new ones.
How wonderful to have those roots! I’m somewhat of an introvert as well and not good at small talk either, but I’m working on it.