Nearly every day I tell myself how happy I am to be retired. I don’t miss my job. The nest egg is in good shape, I have lots of hobbies and am having fun. However, at times I miss feeling successful.
The thing is, I never achieved the level of success I aspired to, so I’m not sure what I am missing. I did very well in my career over the long haul and found satisfaction in knowing I used my skills well and accomplished more than anyone else expected of me. Still, I left some opportunity on the table.
Should I go back to work? I looked at jobs online today to see if anything sounded interesting. I saw one job requiring “grit” and “a nearly insane level of attention to detail.” Sure, that could be me on a good day. More than likely it’s not.
Reading through job descriptions, there’s strong demand for passionate self-starters who can roll up their sleeves and collaborate with a fast-paced global team. I used to write this crap – and reading it now cured me of the itch to find a job.
Perhaps it’s not the feeling of success I miss but the feeling of knowing what success looked like. In the workplace, the path to success is mostly linear, and it points up.
That seemed doable to me, so I set my eyes on the prize and worked hard. Sometimes I fell short of my hopes and dreams, and other times I wildly exceeded even my own expectations. But I had the map, I had a compass and I stayed on the trail. There were prizes along the way and incentives to keep going.
By the time I retired, I had lots of prizes, but my bullshit meter was pegged.
In a career limiting development, these days there’s not much of a gap between my inside voice and my outside voice. I wanted to do something different with the last third of my life anyway, so I retired as soon as the math worked out.
I’m coming up on the one-year mark, and I’ve learned retirement doesn’t come with a map or compass. Many of us traded our talents for money and security. I certainly did, and I have no regrets. But I am still driven to reach my full potential, whatever that is, and now I have to figure it out all by my own self. I have a feeling I’m not alone.
After a long career of orderly achievements, some of us will have to work at understanding what it means to be successful in this chapter of our lives. We’re used to managing big projects, and now the project is us.
So, yes, I would get a job if I had to or an unbelievable opportunity came knocking, but I don’t want to work because it’s a safe retreat into familiar territory. I’d rather deconstruct retirement and figure out what’s next. As Gandalf said, all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.
And if there is no next big thing, that might be OK, too. Whatever passions drive you, maybe the answer is to keep driving. Maybe that’s enough. I have a note to myself on my desk that says, “When all else fails, just write. Just write.”
Thank you for reading my stuff! It’s a pleasure to connect with the wonderful community of people who find their way to these pages.
“I used to write this crap”, hahahaha. I had a teacher friend who was tired of her job and was looking for another one. After looking at the marathon applications she decided her job wasn’t so bad after all. I enjoyed reading your writing so hope you keep at it. Kim in Columbia
Thank you, Kim! Is that Columbia, SC? I used to live there.
My good friend just took a job after being retired for one year. She hates it. I keep telling her to just quit but she is sticking it out. I don’t know why. Life is short and she is my age. 68.
Hi Roberta! Yes, I think once you’re out, it’s hard to go back in.
Husband and I have always been freelanced. So it took a few years to get retired, when finally there were no more jobs .
I tried to find a part time job for a little extra. But the only jobs I was offered were to sell clothes or shoes in High Street shops.After employment of probation I found this was a parallel universe in which I don’t fit.
Life is too short to waist time in such awful enviroments.
That’s funny you used the term parallel universe. I originally used that term as I was writing the post but ultimately edited it out. Now I wish I had left it in! So true.
I retired after working for the federal government as a social worker for almost 40 years. Best thing I ever did. I have occasionally thought about getting a part time or per diem job but honestly, I looked, and everyone that is hiring wants you to do a full time job in 20 hours or less.
So I’m home to stay unless a wonderful opportunity (say 2 days for a total of about 10 hours per week LOL) comes up.
Our finances aren’t in the best of shape due to my and DH previous divorces and his being downsized 3x in the past 20 years. But we are ok, we have a paid off home, travel a bit and are really just enjoying just not having to do anything we don’t absolutely have to.
We have 5 grown kids between us and 3 grandkids in elementary school. Between them and our 1 year old labradoodle we are plenty busy!
Thanks for sharing your story, Teri. Home to stay sounds better than full-time work for part-time pay!
I like your post. I can relate to it. I am getting ready for a retirement-trial and wonder how I am going to handle it. I craved success too. Did OK, but not what level I wanted to reach. Maybe I need to look into the feelings behind that craving.
Yes, it’s interesting to think about what’s behind our quest. I look forward to reading more about the journey on your blog.
” I used to write this crap – and reading it now cured me of the itch to find a job.”
and
“but my bullshit meter was pegged”
🙂 ha-ha!
Fun reading your blog! Enjoy your perspective. It helps me prep for my next chapter, in eight months. Thx!
Thank you for commenting! I’m so sorry it took so long to post. I found it in a spam folder, which I now know to check daily.