I’ve been reading and thinking and getting angry and sad about sexual misconduct and the long-term consequences. I said to Dale, I’m so lucky I was never physically or sexually assaulted. Then I thought about how sick and wrong that is – assault should be an aberration not the norm.
There was a time in the Army more than 40 years ago when it seemed a close-run thing. I don’t remember the exact year. I don’t remember the month or the weather. I would have been 18 or 19 years old. I know I was in a small apartment in Germany I shared with another female soldier. She was out for the evening. We had only one humongous key, and I left it in the door for her.
Bad judgment on my part, for sure. I was in bed asleep, when all of the sudden I felt someone tugging at my feet and heard a man’s voice saying, “Sugar, sugar, wake up.”
My scared shitless strategy was to pretend I was still asleep and hope he went away, but he persisted. “Sugar, wake up now.”
I don’t know if it was bravery, stupidity or panic, but I bolted up in bed and said, “I don’t know who you are or where you came from, but you get the fuck out of here now.”
He backed away, and said sorry, sorry, I thought you were someone else. I said I don’t care who you thought I was, you get the fuck out of here now. He looked up in surprise and said, “Oh, you, I’ve seen your pussy before.”
Then he turned around headed for the door. He paused in the kitchen and said, “Your icebox is open.”
It was one of those funky old iceboxes you had to push hard to close. I was still in bed with the covers pulled up tight, and I said, “I’ll close it after you leave.”
I really think it was a case of mistaken identity, and the man was not out to harm me. I didn’t tell anyone, and I didn’t report it. I moved back into the barracks.
The stakes are low for me. I was not sexually assaulted. He didn’t pin me down, and he didn’t put a hand over my face to shut me up. It was just a man who found his way into my bedroom, wiggled my foot and and said something crude. I don’t have to convince anyone I’m telling the truth. No one is clamoring for details. No one’s reputation is on the line.
All I know is 40 years later, I will never forget the fear. That’s why I believe Dr. Ford.
A scary story and glad you’ve been so courageous!
When young, I had two or three irritating experiences (one was a doc). But I could defense myself against the attack, so no remaining trauma for me.
As you, I didn’t accuse the men.
Odd how many precise details you rember – and how few she does. Pretty sure you told your roommate and, if you recognized him you would have reported him then, not forty years later. I was a captain in the Army in Europe in the late 70’s and we had an entire system set up for our women soldiers to confidentially report concerns about behavior.
Thank you for writing! I was in the Army from 1974-1977. I was stationed in Germany and then Ft. Bragg. My husband is a retired Army officer, so I also spent 20 years at Army posts in the States and overseas, sometimes working as a civilian for the Army, even one time teaching prevention of sexual harassment. All that to say it was bad when I first went in, but I great saw improvement over the years. Having spent much of my career in corporate America, in my opinion, the military has done a better job of addressing its issues.
I guess we r all entitled to our opinion… but we cannot believe woman just because that’s what they r… woman!!! We wouldn’t want someone to ruin our husband, son etc lives … by telling a story she cannot remember anything… So sorry something bad almost happened to you!
Yes, the truth is important — sometimes it’s hard to get to it, though.