I wrote a post in October about the struggle to let go of the idea my life is only as good as my achievements. Here it is December, hardly long enough to make a batch of kimchi, but with every day that passes, I feel less tethered to success. I like it.
After retiring last year, I was happy to be done with my career but still felt driven to do something exceptional, something amazing to prove I’ve still got it. I had a million thoughts going in a million different directions. It’s not enough to retire and simply enjoy our joblessness. We must reinvent ourselves! Organize our frugal lives! See the world! Change the world!
But the weight of these expectations during my first year of retirement left me anxious and exhausted. Couldn’t I just calm down, think before I leap and accept I had a great career and my reward for hanging in there is a great life? What if I just focused on what feels good and see what happens?
A weight was lifted once it occurred to me I did not have to reinvent myself. I’m surprised by how quickly the idea took hold. Maybe I just had to say it in my outside voice.
The thing is, I’m still doing freelance work, but the idea of a real job is not the slightest bit appealing. Never say never, but I can’t imagine going back to all that – although I certainly don’t plan to wither away doing nothing.
In addition to my recreational pursuits, I’ll continue to use my skills and talents and make a little money, but I’m not feeling motivated to do something exceptional. It’s not about standard definitions of achievement or success. It’s more about intellectual curiosity and social interaction. And a little cash doesn’t hurt, either.
As I worked through this drama in my head, I told Dale I would get a job, but I can’t work Tuesdays or Wednesdays, because that’s when I play golf. And I can’t work Mondays in the summer, because that’s when I play golf in the mountains. Maybe Mondays in the winter but not if I take up cross-country skiing. Reading, cooking, long walks, sometimes more golf – that’s what Thursdays and Fridays are for.
As you can see, I’m kind of busy.
Please say this isn’t a passing fancy. Retirement was an opportunity to jump the track, but I didn’t do a very good job of clearing a path for the freewheeling journey of my dreams. I just jumped to a new track. My brain was saying, “I will continue to succeed at something, damn it!”
Until proven otherwise, it appears I’m experiencing the joy of being trackless. But I’m curious about other retirees. Are you ambitious? What motivates you? Have your goals and ambitions evolved over the course of your retirement?
Like you, I’m content with not reinventing myself. I’m still revelling in the slow mornings & open space on the calendar that allows me to say “yes” to invitations. I am committed to taking care of myself & my country home; I make myself available to tend to family. friends & community. The seasons often dictate my goals & ambitions.
Hi Mona — I love your description of retirement. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
My first 2 years of retirement from Nursing and office management (2 jobs!) ,I still felt an insistent need to be “important” to be busy, to be “productive.” I thought I could have an important “part time” gig. And still be retired.LOL!! We moved during that time and in my new town I went into real estate. Then, We moved back. All that moving was like a full time job itself! FINALLY after moving back to our original town and home and getting somewhat settled, these last 3 years of retirement I have found my stride. Real estate was an incredible amt. of work for little money. No more work for me.I still get flickers of ambition and a sense of loss of “purposefulness.” But it passes quickly. I am not reinventing myself. I am exploring all those interests I never had time to, when younger and working.I play cards with a group of women i enjoy, twice a month, I attend an Art Studio workshop once or twice a week, I attend a non denominational church i adore, and I volunteer a couple of times a month at food kitchens locally. We attend a Circle Supper pot luck group once a month. My husband and I I hike, locally, and take short trips around out state, and a couple of other trips a year, mostly to beaches, or a cruise. I love to cook and to read, andI love being IN my home, on my patio –in Arizona we can be outdoors all year long..so am finding more and more Joy in just enjoying my day to day life.. it took this whole 5 years to get to this pretty comfy emotional space…and I am loving it! Just foiund your blog and it’s great!
Madeline — wow! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your story. You said it beautifully — not reinventing but exploring interests you didn’t have time to explore when you were working. I’ll bet there are a lot more out there like us!