The game that never bores

Budget-friendly golf

I couldn’t wait to retire so I could play more golf, and it has been so much fun. Aside from stereotypes about golf and retirement, it’s an excellent activity for retirees, especially if you walk. I live in California and joined a public course with an annual walking pass for $2,000. For that, I can play unlimited golf. It’s a little more if you ride.

The downside is most people know the sport is incredibly frustrating, infinitely challenging and occasionally rewarding … but all that keeps us coming back!

Oh, and the people. I’m never bored.

Hoo-ha exposure

I’ve been putting a little more effort into my golf attire, and one of the more accomplished golfers in my women’s league complimented me on my outfit. I bought a couple of inexpensive skorts at Marshall’s, but I cut out the shorts, which were too short for me. I bought longer yoga-style shorts to wear underneath, and it looks pretty cute. The shorts are long enough so I don’t have to worry about them riding up as I walk the course.

She said it was better than what some of the LPGA players wear, because you can practically see their hoo-ha. Am I spelling that correctly? I assured her she would not see my hoo-ha, and I think we’re good. But by and large, I like seeing women athletes celebrate their bodies with great-fitting clothes. I simply recognize I am not one of them, so extra caution is required.

A little nip?

A couple of weeks ago I played golf with a group of women, one of whom struggled mightily on the first hole. She scored a big number and was very bummed. She said, “You’ve played with me before, you know I can play! What am I doing wrong?”

I NEVER give advice. I said, “Your swing looks perfect. Just relax. Your game will come back.”

And it did! She ended up with a two birdies and a solid score. On almost every hole, I saw her pull out a small flask from her bag and take a tiny slug. I have no idea what was in that flask, but Dale said you usually don’t fill those things with lemonade. I’m guessing she found a way to relax.

Although I’ve enjoyed plenty of relaxation juice over the years, I’ve become more cautious about drinking on the golf course. I’m mostly about staying hydrated, so water is my beverage of choice. A couple of weeks ago, one of our playing partners had her first eagle … a 2 on a Par 4. It was very exciting for everyone. Our friend insisted on buying Bloody Mary’s for us at the turn.

The Bloody was absolutely delicious. I don’t know if it was because we were at elevation or maybe I was a bit dehydrated, but after only drinking half of it, I was kind of sloshed. I had been playing pretty well up to that point but then sleepwalked through three holes, basically wrecking my round. I stopped drinking the Bloody and focused on my water, finishing reasonably sober.

The love birds

More people-watching yesterday. I went out as a single and got paired up with a threesome – a married couple and their friend. The married couple appeared to have a large age difference. It’s hard to tell, but he looked to be about 20 or 30 years older than her.

I’ve played with them before, and I nicknamed them the love birds. Every other word is babe this, babe that. They walk off the green holding hands. I know … how awful … a loving couple having fun together. Imagine! I guess I’m a little more buttoned up when it comes to public displays of affection.

Aside from all my judgmental observations, they are quite nice to play with. Interestingly, they don’t putt anything out. One putt, and if it doesn’t go in, they pick up the ball. I have no idea how they score, and I’m guessing they don’t care, which is kind of cool. I wish I were that laid back. The other thing is he stands behind her on nearly every shot and gives “feedback” on her swing. I’d kill him, but that’s me.

I was busy trying to play my game and didn’t give them much thought until the drive home. I was thinking love has no age limit. I don’t know the backstory, so I started imagining various scenarios.

What if she had been dying in the hospital, and he was her doctor? He saved her and taught her to play golf so they could live happily every after. Or perhaps she was a victim of human trafficking, and he was the private detective who found her and saved her from a life of ruin. I guess I had that whole Pretty Woman thing in my head. She could have been the one who rescued him from an otherwise miserable life. Or maybe they met on the golf course a month ago and haven’t fallen out of love yet.

Then I thought, maybe she just looks young. Maybe they’ve been married forever and have a passel of children and grandchildren. Of course, none of this is any of my business, and in the grand scheme of things, I don’t care. I just like to fill my head with idle speculation about other people’s lives. It’s actually an improvement over the rest of the voices in my head.

Anyway, you can have a lot of fun playing golf in retirement. You don’t have to be good, and you don’t have to be rich. I’ve dabbled in many sports and hobbies over the years, and nothing has seduced me like golf. I always thought it was the game itself until I started writing this and realized it’s the game and the people.

They say golf can be a metaphor for life. Certainly, I’ve encountered some annoying people on and off the golf course, but I’m learning to appreciate the characters out there, and I am all the better for it.