Some of us chose retirement, and others were squeezed out or forced out of jobs earlier than they had hoped. Or maybe it got so bad you just said, screw it, I’m out of here.
If you’re still sad or angry about what happened to you at work, perhaps it’s time to accept and forgive. Here’s my spin on it. Almost like a variation of Festivus with the airing of workplace grievances. It helps to laugh.
Even though I made it to the finish line relatively unscathed, I had one awful job toward the end of my career that left me feeling quite bitter.
I try not to think about it much, but last week I was digging through files on my computer looking for an old picture of me with adorable hair, because you, know, the struggle is real, when I found a folder marked MFR.
What was this? I double-clicked, and there it was. A detailed chronicle of the one job I’ve tried to forget. A Memorandum for Record is what I called it – a long and painful documentation of bad behaviors and harassment that pretty much left me crying every day for a year.
As I read through my notes with fresh eyes, I finally realized it wasn’t all about me. I was caught in a web of complex corporate norms and cut-throat politics.
There were bad actors in high places, weak lieutenants and one low-level sociopath who lived on the blood of destruction. Everyone else operated under the theory that only the whale that surfaces gets harpooned.
In the end, I came out whole, better than whole, so I decided to accept and forgive. I just said, this is it, no more. Bitterness is not an emotion I want to live with. And I’ll say this, something about letting go just makes you feel better in every way. I feel lighter. A weight has been lifted.
True, there’s no forgiveness in my heart for the sociopath or the person who provided top cover, so acceptance will have to suffice. I decided to just accept that what happened happened and release myself from the internal drama … almost like being an observer, watching the whole thing from afar. As a result, they no longer live rent-free in my head. That seems like a fair trade.
Anyway, that’s my perspective, and I guess it applies to just about any negative emotions we can’t quite dump. Maybe we can move on if we keep trying.
Enchilada Sauce
As promised, I’m sharing Dale’s recipe for enchilada sauce. We freeze it in small tubs and use it for enchiladas … hence the name. But we also use it as a sauce for huevos rancheros or combine it with chunks of browned chicken to make a filling for various tortilla dishes.
We buy our dried chili peppers from Pendery’s.
Dale’s Enchilada Sauce
Ingredients
- 10 Dried Ancho Chili Peppers
- 2 Dried Aji Amarillo Chili Peppers Optional, but they add nice flavor and heat
- 2 Canned Chipotle Chili Peppers in Adobo
- 1 tsp Adobo Sauce From the canned chipotles
- 3 Cloves of Garlic
- 1/4 cup Diced Onion
- 1 tsp Cumin
- 3 cups Chicken Stock
- 1 tblsp Lard
Instructions
- Seed and stem the dried chili peppers. Put the peppers in a saucepan, cover with water and bring to a boil. Turn off the heat and let them sit for 10 minutes. Drain.
- In a blender, combine the peppers, adobo sauce, garlic, onion, cumin and one cup of the chicken stock.
- In a saucepan, melt the lard and add the blended sauce. Cook over medium heat for about 10 minutes, slowing adding the remaining two cups of chicken stock.
- Cool, and refrigerate or freeze.
I completely agree with letting go old battles from the workplace. I’m now 19 months post retirement, but I still do some consulting. I did a big cleanout about ten days ago which included hours with the shredder. One file was my personnel file which included copies of memorandum of reprimands which I had to issue. I did not look at anything in that file as it would have detracted from my pleasant/present state of mind, all went straight into the shredder!
I admit that I was tempted to look at my salary changes over time but that would have also included periods of no raises or cost of living due to the economy and belt tightening. Somehow those periods of austerity were never fully paid back. That employer had compaction issues as union members refused promotions to management because even though their career would progress, it would hurt them financially. Stupid penny pinchers. Reward good employees, when you treat everyone the same, you lose your stars.
I also tossed plaques and clocks given for speaking engagements and for serving in volunteer leadership positions. They will never go back on a wall and I don’t have to impress anyone anymore.
So nice to be free
I need to go through old papers and shred. I hope I have the strength to do as you did and not peek. You are so right about being free. What a gift.
Well said. I worked in my field for 40 years, at the end I, I saw the same things going on. After almost 2 years of retirement, I am left with the thought that, I should have left earlier.
It’s interesting. Sometimes I think I could have hung in there a bit longer, but all in all, I left at about the right time and am so glad I didn’t get sucked into staying any longer than I did. Thank for for visiting!
As soon as I read your title, I thought “Festivus!”. LOL.
It’s good to forgive but not easy. Forgive but never forget is how I try to go forward when someone has hurt me. I don’t want to be chained to that person emotionally because I can’t get past the hurt. They don’t deserve that much attention from me. There is a lot of peace that comes with forgiveness, as I am sure you know, Donna. Great post.
Deb
I agree — in some situations, maybe forgiveness is a bridge too far. But as you said, you can lighten your load and get to a point where you’re not chained to someone emotionally.
Thank you for the enchilada recipe. Is the lard a magical ingredient or might there be a substitute?
I am with you on the accept and move on process. Not forgive.
Dale says lard has the best flavor, but what you need is a tablespoon of fat. First choice would be shortening (Crisco) and second choice any kind of oil.
Thanks very much!
I had a bad job situation about 12 years before I retired. I felt I was being forced out and got stuck reporting to someone who was technically at my job level but clearly not operating at that level. It was demeaning. Fortunately, I had a good reputation and friends in the right places so I was able to transfer to another area. I forgave but never forgot and could never trust the person who had put me through this. I did feel validated later when my “boss” was demoted two levels!! I’m just happy I was able to spend my last 10 years appreciated for my skills.
We like to think what goes around, comes around, but that’s not always the case. I’m glad yours ended up on a happy note, but as you said, the trust is gone. And what a loss for the company.