Have you taken stock of your retirement to see what, if anything, you might want to change? Retirement is definitely a journey, so I paused to reflect on where I started. Since I don’t know where I’m going, we’ll skip the whole destination thing, which is overrated anyway.
In it to win it
A few years before I retired, I wasn’t even thinking about retirement. Although I didn’t find my job particularly satisfying, I was in it to win it and figured I’d be the last man standing. The hero at the end who turns off the lights.
The cumulative effects of life pushed me in the other direction. I was paid quite well, but the expectations were ridiculous. In some ways, I didn’t mind, because I figured that’s what it takes to make that kind of money. Not bad for a kid who grew up with a dad who didn’t work much and a mom who worked for minimum wage.
I told myself, I can do this! If you learn to manage it, the stress of a high-pressure job beats the stress of living from paycheck to paycheck. I like to think I managed it well, but after being diagnosed with cancer for the second time, I began to question my choices.
How much is enough?
With no kids, my husband’s pension and healthy retirement savings, it became a question of how much is enough? I created a spreadsheet that mapped out cash flow for years to come, and it looked good to me. We met with a financial advisor because I am a journalism major and can’t do math.
He confirmed my numbers and agreed it all looked fine. Still, he said, it wouldn’t hurt to work a few more years. Cushion, he said. Then he talked about medical expenses, possibly the biggest financial risk if retiring before qualifying for Medicare.
Dale is retired military, so I was covered by Tricare until I reached age 65, and then Tricare would be my secondary after Medicare. The financial guy called it the gold standard. And yet, he said, it wouldn’t hurt to work a few more years.
Then I mentioned cancer. Twice. That stopped him in his tracks. Retire, he said, you will never regret it.
Although the rational side of my brain accepted the financial advisor’s recommendation, the emotional part of my brain still wasn’t sure. Then a chance encounter helped me turn the corner. Sometimes all the good reasons in the world don’t matter until something stabs at your heart.
A chance encounter
I went to play golf as a single and got paired with a woman in her 50s. Fit, healthy, happy, she looked great, played great. I asked what she did for a living, and she said, “I don’t work anymore.”
Well, hello there, tell me more!
It turns out she had a high-stress job that involved a lot of travel. She was eating poorly, not exercising, 15 pounds overweight and feeling terrible. The job paid well, but it sucked her soul. One night, after assessing her finances, she realized she was spending money just because she had it. And that habit fed a vicious cycle of working more and more to pay for stuff she didn’t need anyway.
In spite of frivolous spending, she managed to save well and had a solid nest egg. She thought, all I have to do is change the way I live, and I’ll never have to work again. I can still hear the resolve in her voice, the way she said, “I’ll never have to work again.”
That woman’s story spoke to me like nothing else had. That’s when I knew I was done.
Is that all there is?
All in all, I’m where I want to be on this road to nowhere. No mortgage, and we’re in good shape financially. I feel busy but not too busy. I play golf, walk, swim, lift weights, cook, read, write, watch TV, listen to music, make art and grow cannabis.
Now that we’re fully vaccinated and the pandemic seems to be waning, we’re about to embark on our first camping trip in quite some time. I’m not up for flying anywhere just yet, but I can see some road trips in our future. We live near world-class wineries and enjoy tasting.
I don’t think I could have planned a better retirement, and yet lately I feel something is missing. Perhaps more social interaction? I’m terrible at mixing and mingling and usually can’t wait for it to be over. I never imagined I would take up art, but now I kind of wonder why it took so long. Hours alone, just me and the voices in my head slaving over some dot of color – it’s perfect.
A sense of accomplishment? That used to bother me, but I’ve changed my self-talk and decided I’m just fine without adding more feathers to my cap. Granted, this one is a moving target, as I continue to struggle with the urge to beat myself up for being just average.
Purpose? I don’t want a job, but I have some core skills, and I do like to help. By now you’re all saying, volunteer! While I suppose that’s the answer, I’ve avoided it because it’s one more intrusion into my otherwise quiet life.
We’ll have to see how this rolls out. Is this a gap worth further exploration or just a turn of mood that will evaporate as mysteriously as it arrived? Either way, I highly recommend stopping to assess your retirement journey.
What’s good? What’s missing? We may not have to work anymore, but let’s make sure retirement is working for us!
I went through a somewhat similar process when deciding when to retire. My dad died at 63 of a massive heart attack. My mom was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma at 63. My husband died from lung cancer at 54. I had 2 mini-strokes in 2016. So after considering all these events, I did the math, did the math again, used other people’s software to do the math, had my financial advisor do the math… and decided to pull the plug at 60 (last day of work was Dec 31, 2019). Little did I know that I would entering retirement along with a global pandemic. So it’s been a little strange but also good not to have so many options immediately thrust upon me. So far I have been very comfortable with the “void” of not working.
Deb
I do think things happen that make you realize there’s more to life than work. From reading your blog, it sounds like you’ve adjusted quite well!
I retired at 67, although my financial advisor would have liked me to work until 70. I always liked the gratification I got from working, and I liked my job (as much as I could like any job), but there came a point when I just didn’t want to work any more, so I decided to retire. I feel semi confident that I have enough saved (and financial advisor’s spreadsheets bear that out), but then my mother lived to 102, so in the deep recesses of my mind there just is no amount of money that can reliably protect me all the way. So I’ve been fairly conservative in drawing down money from savings since I retired in 2016. I sense that in the aftermath of the pandemic I may be more freewheeling with my spending, though!
Thanks for sharing your story. I think it helps readers to see different scenarios. I agree with the freewheeling idea. Not sure how or when, but I can see a change is gonna come.
This is an excellent reminder to stop and reflect on our retirement and see if there are any tweaks or changes that we would like to make. Even if things are going well, this is an important exercise. Thank you for this!
Exactly. I do feel like things are going well, but a few tweaks might not hurt.
I’m not going to be in a position to retire any time soon (bad relationship & financial choices on my part) but… I have steadily morphed away from high-stress high-paying jobs to doing something I love and am passionate about. I’ve yet to move fully to full-time self-employed and am still in a hybrid place, but I’m going at a pace I’m comfortable with. Nevertheless, Himself & I have been casually looking at a different lifestyle which could form the next phase. We’re not doing any serious evaluation yet, just gathering information & ideas for now. We’re very different people, but this is something we’re both drawn to. It may not be where we end up, but we’ll keep testing the temperature and make decisions as we go. Great post, thanks Donna.
How interesting! Just goes to show you don’t have to retire to change your lifestyle. Although it sounds like you’re way ahead of the game, I do think the pandemic has helped many people see the joys of a slower pace.
I would suggest you sit with your small amount of discomfort and wait a bit to see what arises. You might be pleasantly surprised at what the outcome may be.
My post-retirement experience with volunteering is that it never worked well when it seemed like a ‘I should be doing this’ effort. Conversely, when it struck a chord of passion, it became more of a ‘I must do this!’ and thus worked out much better.
I find retirement continues to transition, which I think is simply a fact of life in general. Don’t be to concerned in other words. You’re normal! 😆
Excellent advice and a great perspective on the transitions we all go through. I’m definitely going to follow your prescription and sit on it for awhile.
I’m two years into retirement and feel I’m missing something too. I love being retired. Yesterday I washed our car in the driveway with my two year old granddaughter. We had a great time. Those moments are precious and I love being able to do them while retired. I still have a day here and there where I would like to go to work and have the challenge of completing a task with the old team. But, it passes pretty quick! I think retirement is a journey for us all to explore, refocus occasionally and enjoy.
I also love being retired, so it’s odd to have that feeling we’re missing something. I definitely don’t miss work! I like the idea of exploring, occasionally refocusing and always enjoying.
Well. I’m enjoying retirement more lately, but obviously my blogging energy is out the window ateadt temporarily. I agree with Tamara in general on this. A little discomfort is a discerning thing, often. If you were a journalist type I’d suggest the Morning Pages thing. The set random writing time can yield some stuff. I do mine at bedtime.
I have missed your blogging — glad to know it’s for a good reason! I’ve done morning pages before, and it is useful.
I retired from Nursing and also managing my husband’s office, in 2013. I did miss that feeling of “importance.” And daily productivity. So, I went to real estate school and love the training but geez..the actual work part of it was overwhelming.. and well, long story short, I re-retired!!!!
Now, I am pretty content. I enjoy writing,art,music,hiking, nature,spirituality, cooking, and I spend time daily on all those activities. I have finally lost that “need to be busy,need to be important” vibe.
I’m a healthy vibrant 67 year old and life is so FULL of opportunities for creativity,fulfillment,exploration, and more..
Covid threw a wrench in our travel plans, but I am hoping we can regroup later this year or in 2022.
Love your blog!
I’m so glad you wrote and shared your perspective. I’m right there with you, but sometimes I overthink it. The pandemic has taken a toll on my well-being, even though I have a great life. I think Carolyn Hax said in one of her columns you can still feel fortunate yet sad.
I’m behind in my reading, which is an indication that my retirement is too busy right now. I really can’t complain as I’ve been doing fun things except when my laptop was in the shop for two weeks!!
I love my retirement and wouldn’t change a thing. Well, I’d make my dad healthy and independent. But that’s not going to happen; it’s only going to get worse. It’s amazing how much time and energy that sucks out of my life right now. It was easier during the pandemic but now as things are returning to normal, I want my life back. I know, I’m a very selfish, ungrateful daughter. Honestly, I’m glad he’s still around.
Overall, I love my days because they’re my own and no one is expecting much of me. I love doing what I want when I want to. Can’t beat that!!
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. And I hope you get what I’m sure are much-deserved breaks from caregiving.
It is nice to own our days with no expectations. Well said!
In other positive news, your comment did not go to the Spam folder!
That was the first thing I checked!! Yea!! Maybe all my technical issues knocked something back into place.