When I look back at my working life, I usually reflect on the negatives. I’m not purposefully a glass half-full kind of person, but it does seem that’s my default. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the positives, and there were a few surprises.
I was reading a golf psychology book, as I am wont to do, and there was a reference to the old nursery rhyme:
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream
I’m not the first to realize this could be a beautifully simple guide to happiness. As I reflected on the meaning behind these lyrics, it occurred to me I sometimes row hard in the other direction because that’s the way I want to go, damn it.
But wait! Is there a benefit to rowing with the current? Going with the flow? Imagine.
Here’s where we come back to my work experience. I was stuck in a nice but dead-end job and couldn’t seem to find a way out. When I wasn’t working, I spent all my time on the job search. I had a few memorable interviews but no offers.
Only one person at work knew I was on the hunt. I actually didn’t know her well but somehow decided she was the one to trust. That’s a little telling, isn’t it?
Anyway, one day I whined I couldn’t get a job. She said, “That’s because it wasn’t your job. When it’s your job, the doors will open.”
Indeed. After interviewing for a job in Minnesota because by that time I would go anywhere, the hiring manager called to tell me I didn’t get it, but they thought I would be a good fit for their company. He offered to shop my resume around, and that led to an interview in Texas.
When they offered me the job, Dale and I stopped to think it through. What if it didn’t come with relocation? The next day they emailed me a document outlining the relo assistance, and it was amazing. Then Dale said, what about my job? Within days, he was laid off and got a nice exit package. And that’s how it all rolled out.
I went from a local utility in South Carolina to a large multinational Fortune 100 company, and while I was quite competent in my field, this was the big show. Easier for some than others. Having been raised by wolves, I had limited social acumen and not a lot of workplace savvy.
But I needed this job, and I was hellbent on figuring it all out. In addition to some great mentoring, the company offered lots of training, especially on the soft skills such as ethics, diversity and interpersonal communications, and I absorbed all of it.
Yes, some might say it was all about being politically correct, but at least we weren’t punching out flight attendants. I have developed new appreciation for having both feet planted solidly on the high ground. Only recently did it occur to me some of those nuances of behavior I learned at work are worth preserving in retirement.
Kind of like the monster’s transformation in Young Frankenstein, it turns out I liked having a calmer brain and a more sophisticated way of expressing myself. Communicating to make someone else more comfortable. Listening rather than telling. Remembering to say and instead of but. You do it enough, and you sort of become the person you were trying to be.
Even though I’ve previously harbored resentment over some of my work experiences, I can now see how the flow took me to a place where I could explore this better version my myself. The wolves had their charms but didn’t exactly give us a good head start.
That’s what I’ve been up to lately. Still learning. Sciatica is nearly gone. I’m walking a lot, playing golf and swimming. Lots of deep breathing – in through the nose, out through the mouth. I’m as surprised as anyone I could spend quality blogging time on all this touchy-feely stuff, but pain changes you.
And strangely enough, it’s not all bad if you go with the flow.
Love this! But how does that nursery rhyme help with golf?
It’s about learning to become fully present in your game … to put your boat in the water (play golf) and begin to row gently without worrying about becoming an expert. The idea is to focus on clear intent and commitment, to feel the flow of the game rather than over-think it. It sounds goofy, but it helped me!
Hi, Donna – I’m so glad to read that your sciatica pain is nearly gone. And I love your explanation to Susan about “Row, row, row your boat for golf.” It makes good sense!
I’m playing today and will try to remember all that good sense!
Your post just took me back to my first adult job. Quite the opposite of your large corporation, it was a small local company with maybe 50 employees. But the client whose employees I worked most closely with was a large International company.
As we grew to know each other, those employees described to me the “training” they had from this company. In addition to the job-specific skills, it included wine appreciation, table etiquette, grammar. This was in the 70s, so way before diversity and interpersonal communications. But these guys (they were all men, of course!) were sent to dentists by their employer. The company was very invested in their employees and it showed.
I had forgotten all of this but now I’m contrasting employers then vs now. Companies of this ilk have been replaced by Facebook, Amazon, Google. From what I hear, their training is focused on growing the company and making money. Amazon publicized a policy of hiring more people than needed to allow for lots of people quitting over poor treatment (but of course lots stay, too). Anyway, you’ve given me something to mull over on this 14 degree day; something along the lines of: is this what went wrong with our society?
I’m sorry for the downer message. It is interesting to ponder. The military was another great opportunity for those of us who didn’t get a good head start. That’s when I learned to floss! Your comment reminded me of a rising star at my old company. They sent him to get his teeth fixed. I think you are right. All that’s gone now.
Sorry, Donna. I didn’t at all mean that yours was a downer message, and I didn’t intend for mine to be either. And you’re right – we learned so much more than just how to do our job.
Your post just got me thinking that one way we could approach some of the issues that we are facing is to encourage the biggest of the big companies to maybe put some effort into development of their employees (as opposed to, say, offering them free M&M’s). I haven’t given it much thought yet, but it seems as if they could divert some of the money they spend on frivolous stuff and put it into their people, not in the same way those old companies did but thoughtfully with an eye toward showing employees why it’s worth investing in their jobs. I believe that if some of the disenchanted young folks were mentored well, they would find things to love about their jobs.
I agree! Love the reference to M&Ms as opposed to real development.
Going with the flow has made my life much more bearable at times. I found it was easier to use my energy to navigate the rapids safely, than to try to fight the current. Or as someone once said – when you are going through hell, just keep going!
Even today, when I am no longer in hell (and hope never to be there again), learning to go with life’s daily flow is so much simpler than always fighting what is fixed or inevitable.
Great reminder, Donna – thanks!
Deb
Well said, Deb. I love, “Easier to use my energy to navigate the rapids safely than to try and fight the current.” That’s quote-worthy.