It feels like everything is going to shit, that maybe this is the beginning of the end, but I keep telling myself not to worry about things I can’t control. And I am reminded of a scene from Lord of the Rings:
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
As I’ve muddled my way through retirement, I’ve pretty much let go of the idea that I need to accomplish anything. Just hanging out, enjoying simple pleasures. Trying not to worry but worrying anyway about Riley, our cat, and why he likes Dale better. It can’t just be about the food.
However, sometimes I get this idea – I can’t quite reach it – but it feels like something might be pulling me in a new direction. As per usual, I have few clues as to what that might be.
My prediction is that I’ll discover something special to write about, I’ll do some sort of long-distance walk or I’ll find a new focus for my cooking obsession. As I reflect on these speculations, it occurs to me all are a search for a singular passion, which I don’t appear to have. Always the dabbler, we’ll just have to wait and see what comes of my magical thinking.
I’m trying not to stress out about anything. Maybe retirement doesn’t need to be orchestrated. Just live it and do your best to stay healthy and happy. Or maybe it’s a cycle, and you just have to ride out each phase until the next one appears. I don’t know, but I’m open to endless possibilities.
I do these deep breathing exercises in bed before I even get up. It’s almost a form of meditation, and I think that’s when all will be revealed. Until then, I continue to putz around, taking care of things that perhaps don’t matter in the big picture but seem to provide a sense of steady comfort.
Whatever happens, my hair will look good. When I got my hair lopped off in early December, the stylist said I would need regular trimmings about every six weeks. I eagerly signed up, even though I’ve previously been resistant to the whole salon regime. They say never surrender, unless you’re 66 and your hair looks like crap.
I canceled my first trim due to Omicron. My hair still looked better than it ever did, but I absolutely loved the shorter bob. The rescheduled appointment was this week! Our Covid numbers are way down, but at this point, I didn’t care if Godzilla breezed into town, I was getting a haircut. I’m delighted with the results. And yes, I wore a mask.
This might be the vaccine microchip talking, but I’ve actually had an urge to go shopping. Like not online and for real. It’s hard to imagine I could need anything beyond what’s delivered to my doorstep, but going to the mall seems like such a quaint thing to do.
Although we didn’t have much money, my mother loved clothes and was always good for a trip to The Broadway. It’s gone now. I vividly remember waiting outside with great anticipation for the doors to open before a big sale and was always enthralled with the lingerie section upstairs, where there was a big glass case of fancy peignoir sets. Oh my!
The peignoirs were gone, too, by the time I got old enough to wear them. I do like fancy undies and may splurge if I should make it to said mall. Although I remember the owner of a lingerie store telling me, “If you wait until you can afford it, you’ll look like hell in it.”
I’m well into the second half of that sentence, but I also need swimwear, which is difficult to order over the internet and particularly difficult for me since I chose to go flat after my mastectomy. It will take an N95 and perhaps medication to get me through swimsuit shopping.
I’ve gone back and forth on the whole streaming music thing, and I have no qualm with anyone’s decision one way or the other. There are no saints in this story. However, I’ve decided to give Spotify the big FU for supporting Joe Rogan and switch to Amazon Music Prime.
While I don’t think my decision puts a dent in the universe and in no way settles the myriad issues over music streaming in general, I’ve read Amazon pays artists slightly more. But that might be smoke and mirrors. At the end of the day, go with your gut and try not to worry.
Wise words, Donna. From you and Gandalf. I gave Spotify the FU too, for my paid subscription. I read afterwards that not only do they pay the artists poorly, but the sound quality is poor too. Not that my less-than-audiophilic ears noticed…
Deb
Well, the sound. It’s just me and traffic, so I can hardly complain.
So many wonderful points in this blog, but your last line totally sums it up for me: go with your gut and try not to worry! I’m really trying to listen more and more to my intuition on things.
I have to work at it, too, but I agree. Intuition is powerful stuff.
I didn’t know what a peignoir set was, me a baby dyke tomboy raised by no one, so I just looked it up. The Google says it’s perfect for your honeymoon night. So, if you’re still up for that you’re doing pretty well indeed.
Your writing is getting better and funnier than ever. I say that’s one good dabble.
The peignoir would be a bit of a stretch, but never say never …
Thanks for the lovely compliment!
I’ve been going into stores more too, wearing my mask, just to be out and about with people. Most people where I live are still wearing masks indoors, even though our mask mandate has ended.
I so remember The Broadway. My mom was always buying me sweaters on layaway there. To this day I still buy sweaters and I also knit sweaters, from cotton to wool. I favor cotton cardigans that I wear as pullovers.
As for bathing suits…for someone who used to spend big bucks on swimsuits for so little fabric, I have had THE best luck at, of all places, Big Five. Yep. You would be surprised at their selection, especially if you’re looking for the kind to swim in, not parade around in. And prices are at 1/4 to 1/3 of Dillards. (In our small town, a Dillards B store is the only high end store available.) I stocked up on swimsuits prior to Covid, when I swam regularly. I’m probably set for life. I haven’t returned to swimming yet. Soon I hope.
And lastly, I’ve been wearing beautiful and expensive bras and panties since my mid-50s. Yes, my body is definitely not what it used to be, at 71 years of age…it shocks me every time I see it in the mirror (surely that’s not MY body!) but my Prima Donna bras and Hanky Panky lace panties make me feel beautiful anyway. And in the long run, they’re not expensive as they are so well made, they last for years. I buy during sales at Bare Necessities and HerRoom, online.
Let’s hope some of the madness in the world settles down and that the right things happen. Actually, I feel more strongly than that, but I’ll leave it at that. I wish you great good luck with your swimsuit shopping.
I will check out the Big Five. Maybe Dick’s, too. If I can get a one-piece to fit in the bottom, the top is usually too big because I have a chest like a 10-year-old boy. A prosthesis would probably help with that, but I don’t want to go that route. But maybe there’s something with my name on it.
You had me at Hanky Panky. And they’re made in America! I wash them in the machine but hang them to dry. I figure I can spend more on panties because I don’t need bras anymore!
I love, “Let’s hope some of the madness in the world settles down and that the right things happen.” YES!
I’ve been retired for over 10 years but have just recently come to grips with who/what I am and was always meant to be (I’m pretty sure due in part to Covid restrictions). I now fully embrace the fact that I am someone who really WANTS to do a lot of things but am trapped in a body that doesn’t. And that’s fine with me!
That’s interesting! And how great to embrace your destiny. Maybe I’m a person with a brain that wants to do one big thing but a body that likes to do lots of things. Whatever it is, I will try to follow your model and come to grips with it. Thanks for sharing.
Cheers to going with your gut and not allowing retirement to be fully orchestrated. When I first retired one of my DILs asked me what I planned to do in retirement. “Nothing” I said, honestly. “Well…,” she stammered “what are some things you hope to do?” “Still nothing,” I answered.
Keeping my expectations low has worked out well for me and provided a huge blank slate. I hike, I blog, I volunteer, I travel, I read, I’ve learned mahjong, I hang out with my family, friends and grandchildren, I belong to three bookclubs, I workout with friends……Sometimes, we just can’t predict some fo the great gifts to come our way. (And living your free life with great hair — that’s just awesome!!)
I love your approach and am doing my best to follow suit!
Thank you for the quote from the lingerie store owner. I needed a laugh today.
It was a great quote. But even though our bodies may not be the same, I think we’re not as harsh on ourselves at this point.
Great quote from the lingerie store owner! Regardless on when you purchase – and I didn’t till past my 50th birthday when his words of wisdom were oh so true – there is nothing like great underwear for making you feel good about yourself (and in a quiet I know something you don’t know kinda way). I believe it’s a worthwhile investment for every woman who needs a little boost. I am desperate for new bras but the only place I trust to fit me is Selfridges in the centre of London. N95 mask it will have to be, but I’m not quite there yet. Soon though, it needs to be soon.
On swimwear, have you considered racing styles? They tend to be designed for the sportier shaped bodies (those lacking in upper curves) so might be a better fit for you. Good luck with your hunt. I will think of you when I finally bite the bullet & go on mine.
Bra shopping has to be the only thing worse than swimsuit shopping. Then if you find one you like, and they discontinue it … aargh! I do think the racing styles offer more hope than the others. Usually I can’t get my butt into those!
Yup, that’s EXACTLY what happened to my previous reliable choice – they discontinued it… just as we headed into a pandemic as well.
I still have my upper curves (if a tad dented), but hauling a swimsuit over my lower curves offers the added joy of the potential to put my back out. It’s the same struggle as putting on those control underwear options where you need massive upper body strength to get them on – hence why I don’t wear them.