The weather is turning gnarly, so I visited the library to load up on mystery novels. I keep telling myself to act like a big girl and read something literary, and occasionally I do, but inevitably I return to my low-brow life of crime.
One might say I’m attracted to the simple and seedy. I grew up in an underfunded and dysfunctional working class family. Certainly, I read my share of literature in school and later, after I hit escape velocity, but it’s not like we sat around the kitchen table discussing Finnegans Wake.
My dad read sleazy pulp fiction, and my mother enjoyed her True Detective magazine. Not saying I didn’t sneak a peek at their reading material from time to time. We children may wander, but sometimes it seems all roads lead back to the source.
I’ve been thinking about connections to the past since I was contacted by two friends I haven’t heard from in decades. They found me through the blog to reach out regarding our 50th high school reunion in Southern California. I haven’t attended any of the previous reunions and can’t imagine going to one, but I was pleased to hear from them just the same.
Both live in California. I joined the military after high school, and most of my friends went to college here. A few went to out-of-state universities, but I’m pretty sure they all came home after graduation. I also returned … 40 years later. Let’s just say it was a circuitous route.
One of my old friends lives in Santa Barbara, so we caught up via telephone. It was a great conversation, and I’m really happy we took the time to share our stories with each other. I always thought she had her shit together, and she always thought I did, so it was fun to confess neither one of us had a clue.
My other friend lives closer, and we’re going to meet in the middle for lunch next week. I’m looking forward to it! Socially speaking, I do better one-on-one or in small groups, as opposed to hanging out with a couple hundred people I barely remember at some sort of party venue. So, lunch. This is good.
What are your experiences with reunions? Do tell! It will be like a Clint Eastwood movie. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Hi, Donna – My husband and I went to his 50-year High School Reunion a couple of years ago. We both had a blast. My enjoyment came predominantly from watching 70+year old men instantly turn into 15-year old boys — jumping up to smack the gymasium exit signs, giving each other wedgies….the whole 9 yards. Come to think of it, a 1:1 lunch sounds like a great idea! 😀
Thanks for the visual on 70-year-old men turning into 15-year-old boys. I appreciate the heads up!
I’ve never been to a reunion and I doubt I will ever attend one. One of the organizers asked me repeatedly to come and I told him this: “I already keep in touch with the few people from high school that I really bonded with and as for the rest: not interested. I believe reunions are for those who want to relive their glory days, and I happen to think I haven’t peaked quite yet.” He said he had never felt so offended yet inspired at the same time….we both had a good laugh at that. 🤣
Deb
That’s an art form — offending and inspiring.
50 yrs from high school reunion pending. There have been 3 reunions for my graduating class; I’ve attended 2 of them and was on the planning committee for the last one. I have to say that I enjoyed the planning more than the actual reunion; maybe because I was able to connect 1:1 with so many as I investigated contact info. The champion of our school reunions died shortly after the 2004 reunion and no one else has picked up the torch. I recall her saying, “I can’t wait ’til the next one.” I still live in the small rural community where I attended high school. Connections with that school cohort has evolved over the 49 yrs. Some of our kids grew up together and now some of their kids are connected. Some of the class members who had not attended previously attended the 3rd reunion in 2004 and were grateful to have another opportunity, reward for the planning. To sum up this ramble – nice enough experience but one I could do without.
I just can’t imagine living in the same place — changes all the dynamics. I really appreciate your perspective on this, especially since you enjoyed them but decided you could do without.
I went to both my 25th and 50th reunions. At first it was like looking through foggy glasses, but gradually all those old men and women began to resemble my classmates! I found it fascinating to see what had become of us. There were some not so surprising outcomes.-The girl who ditched our graduation ceremony to run off and get married had turned into a rather successful romance writer. The class brain had worked at NASA. However, it was surprising at how much we reflected the times we lived in. At the 25th we learned that our big man on campus had died of AIDS, and at our 50th “Fred” had changed to “Elaine”! All in all I’m very glad I went, but not going to another. It was a bit of closure for that part of my life.
Another great perspective. So far, I’m inclined to follow my gut, which is to skip it.
Not sure how I got into this, but for our 40th (over a decade ago), I started finding ‘lost’ classmates, which for someone who loves detective stories was great fun. Didn’t go to the 40th, though, because my husband was undergoing breast cancer treatment. What it did do was get me access to four former girls I’d known since kindergarten through high school, but had lost touch with. Our 50th was canceled because of Covid (I wouldn’t have gone anyway) so the four of us met in our hometown and did a nostalgia tour of our old neighborhood plus hit some hot spots. Great fun. We’re meeting this summer to celebrate our 70th birthday (I’m suggesting axe throwing for a fun thing to do.) None of us live in our hometown and four out of the five don’t live in the same state. Anyway, it’s been great to reconnect with these women. Have fun–there’s history there.
What a fun way to connect! I like what you said about history being there. So true.
I encourage you to attend your reunion. My HS class of 1960 was a blast. So good to see so many people that I haven’t seen in 50 years and never even thought of. My class had 400 but Vietnam became the main subject.
My wife went to HS with 99 in her class. She loved my reunion as well. Whodathunkit. Occurred over a 3 day weekend and was well worth it. Don’t be a “ stick in the mud.” And I graduated at the bottom of my class who was repeatedly told I would never amount to much.
12 years later I had my MD and PhD and was on the full time faculty of a top medical school. I did it for myself. Many asked what I did for a living? I said I was a teacher.
I love your comment. I am sort of a stick in the mud, so there’s that. But never say never. I also appreciate your story about being in the bottom of the class and doing exceptionally well just the same. I have some of that “you’ll never amount to much” in my own journey.
I live in the same city where I attended high school and still keep in touch with several of my classmates (some that I’ve known since grade school). Boring, huh? I’m an introvert but I still enjoy attending the reunions. We went to my husband’s 50th last year near Sacramento and I was shocked by all the old people. Now, mine is coming up later this year. I wonder if everyone will look as young and vibrant as I do (yes, I’m kidding). I’m glad you were able to reconnect with a couple of school pals. It’s sort of nice to have friends that share your history.
I spoke with yet another friend who I hadn’t heard from in decades, and it really was fun. There might be one or two more left who I’d like to connect with, so I might figure out a way to do that and skip the reunion. Although the friend I spoke with yesterday said they have a really hard time getting people to show up, so it might be more intimate than I imagine. Class of 500.
The first reunion I went to was my 35th college reunion. I only went because my friend was going and I wanted to see her. I reconnected with friends I hadn’t been in touch with and had a great time. The first high school reunion was the 40th. Went with the same friend and had a great time. I always had a negative attitude about reunions. Some people change or maybe I changed. Everyone was friendly and welcoming. It might be a positive experience for you.
I think you’re right that it would be more positive than I imagine. It’s not until late summer/early fall, so I have time to ruminate.
One of your responders said she had a better time at the planning meetings than at the actual reunion. I totally get this. I only went to one, my 40th. It was okay, but I don’t need to go to any more, and haven’t.
As someone else said, most of those people you might remember vaguely but they weren’t friends you hung with, so what is the point. Of my two closest friends, neither one was there.
Now, someone has started a quarterly luncheon for our class and the one in front and behind. Fifteen to 20 people is a much nicer group. Also, it’s almost all women, and I like that better. I don’t go to every one, but I do go to some.
I have never really liked real large groups. I was never a party person. I prefer deeper conversation than, “Hi, how are ya.?”
The luncheons sound like a great idea. I am going to go through the yearbook again to see who else I’d make the effort to see. I have enjoyed chatting with two so far! And a lunch coming up if the weather cooperates.
I went to two different high schools because we moved around….a lot. I’ve been to multiple reunions for both schools. The best reunions have been for a DOD school I attended over seas. They include all classes and rotate cities throughout the states. These reunions are attended by people who are interested in reconnecting or staying connected with people who have a common bond other than just the school. I agree with a previous comment that it’s rewarding to be involved with the planning or execution of the event. My other high school (where I graduated) is in California and hasn’t had a reunion in a long time. For whatever reason, there just hasn’t been the same amount of energy behind planning them. I’ve never been sorry I went to a reunion, though I admit I have left one early. I usually plan something else around them so it isn’t a bust. Hope you had a nice lunch with your friend.
My class in California was 500, and my friends who are planning it said they expect few to come. Maybe it’s an idea whose time has come and gone. I do think a lot of people stay connected on Facebook, which I don’t do. I have talked with one more from my small group of friends, and it has been great fun. I think there’s only one more to find, and then I’m done. Might not need the reunion!
My husband and I moved 3000 miles away from where we grew up and I kind of like it that way. I did have an extraordinarily close class.. I went to a Catholic grade school and Catholic high school and I am in touch with many of my fellow students from those days, on facebook.We chat, share vacation photos,grandkid stuff, and I feel like many of them are still good friends. I have had reunions with some of my best friends from those days, and have had a chance to visit them in Loveland Colorado and in Cincy. Recently, the class clown, John, was traveling with his wife through Arizona, and stopped by to visit my husband and me, I made a great lunch buffet and we caught up. Another friend,Joan,who lives in Virginia, had a conference in Scottsdale,and spent a few days at my house, so I could show her the ‘real Arizona..” we had a blast. When I go back to Philly/Jersey to see family, I usually see a few of the folks who stayed in the area.but i never fly in for reunions. Most of us have turned out basically ok, some wildly successfuly, some in between.. A few have passed away. Overall,I enjoy being in touch but no need to go cross country for a big party.
It sounds to me like you’ve done it right. Live where you want but stay connected to the people who matter. You don’t need a big party. Thanks for sharing your story!
I’m unsure if I would do another reunion. I did one and found that, just like in high school, I wasn’t in the in crowd and still a wallflower. Maybe 50 years would be interesting to see if anything changed… I’ll ponder it. I’ve got a few years till I need to decide!
I definitely wasn’t in the in crowd. I’m actually surprised I’m remembered with any fondness at all. I was kind of a weird kid. It looks like the few people I connected with back then have already found me. Maybe one more to seek out, and I can probably skip the reunion!
I’ve only been to one school reunion. It was relatively small and was hosted by one of our number in her (large) London home. I was invited by someone who’d tracked me down on Facebook after setting up a school page for our year. The page has lost traction, but I decided to go to the reunion as it was small enough, and I was just curious enough.
It was an enjoyable evening – not fabulous, but nice to see old faces, and hear what had happened to others. I had literally no memory of the hostess and while her co-host was familiar, just not from school – I’ve still not been able to untangle the synapses sufficiently to figure out where.
So I’m now FB friends with 3 people from my class, but we’ve not met up since, nor are we likely to. We enjoy sharing stuff about our shared taste in books and love of Africa, but that’s it. In truth, we were more acquaintances than friends in the first place, and that’s how it’s stayed.
The way you describe it sounds nice but not really worth the trouble. I don’t do Facebook, but I could see being FB friends.