Is that your outside voice?

Number 38

So, gosh, politics. I understand nothing. Not to go all MAGA on you, but in some ways, I’m glad I don’t even have to pretend I’m intelligent anymore. One of the many joys of retirement. You can be dumb or play dumb, and no one cares.

When I was working as a communications professional for a big corporation, we interacted with all kinds of people in and outside of the company, and no matter what, you had to say the right thing … informed but ambiguous, direct but nonconfrontational, sincere but aloof. Seriously, it’s an art form.

You also had to be careful with your colleagues, because you never knew who was in a position to offer an opinion about your future.

Oh, Beatrice. She’s certainly competent, but some are saying she lacks executive presence.

John’s a great guy, but he needs a few more years to sharpen his soft skills.

Which brings me to Bud Light. Sales are down because the company featured a transgender woman in an advertising campaign. An acquaintance asked me what I thought. You can see how my responses have evolved since I retired, and my inside voice morphed into my outside voice.  

Old

I respect the right to boycott as an expression of your personal beliefs, and at the same time, it’s my hope that people can come together and appreciate our differences.

New

It’s bullshit. Why do you care who’s transgender and who isn’t? Maybe they would like me instead? Gray, grumpy, opinionated, post-menopausal. #dreamgirls. And, oh, by the way, I’ll be drinking extra Bud Light just because I’m pissed off, and someone has to do it.

Here’s another example. I’m sort of looking for a new car. No rush, but it’s on the horizon. I’ve been thinking about an electric car and ruled out Tesla. A friend asked me why.

Old

I’m seeing a lot of innovation at Tesla, but I’m just a little concerned about quality as production ramps up.

New

Because I despise Elon Musk, and I’m not buying a fucking Tesla.

Or you can just keep your mouth shut. That works, too.

On the bright side, we got a new coffee maker. When the old one went on the fritz, I did my usual hunter-gatherer thing and read every single review of every single coffee pot made in this century. I’m attracted to bells and whistles … perhaps the BeanMaster 5000 … but came up empty-handed.

Dale, on the other hand, happened to be in Target and saw a coffee pot that looked almost exactly like the one we have.

And just like that, done. Why is everything so easy for him?

33 thoughts on “Is that your outside voice?”

  1. Loved your communication examples. I basically quit “the place” because all my filters were completely gone and I knew I was doomed. Oh and that “does she have any runway?” bullshit.

    I’m all electric now, loving my Rivian truck. It’s an amazing experience to drive. I pinch myself every day, not believing it is really mine. Elon can go f himself.

    1. I think we both got out in the nick of time. I’ve been wondering if you got that Rivian. Congratulations! It’s a cool truck.

  2. OMG! Loved your talking examples. So funny and so true! Maybe that speaks to an important function for us retired people in that we tell it like it is and don’t try to bullshit about horrible things.

    1. I had lunch with an old high school friend today, and she said we become our true selves only more so!

  3. Love this one so much! I had a similar role in my corporate before-life. My tongue had a permanent groove from biting it. In retirement, I’ve also learned that “No” is a full sentence.

  4. I love this! The old and new contrast is poignant. And I agree with you about Elon (and dissed him from my universe many years ago) but I still like my Tesla. 😊 Similar to the inside and outside voices – I (try to) hold the dissonance of Elon-dismissing and Tesla-liking in (I hope) creative tension.

    1. I like your approach to the Tesla dilemma. We can’t dismiss everything because people are messed up. Creative tension … a perfect solution.

  5. You made me laugh so hard! You must be my sister from another mother. I could have written both new responses…thanks for doing it first.

  6. Love this post! Your Tesla response sounds like my Whole Foods reaction when asked if I have Amazon Prime. I seem to be unable to just say, “no I don’t”. I have to say, “I would never have Amazon Prime because I despise Jeff Bezos and I only deign to shop here for a few measly things that I cannot find elsewhere.” I feel for the poor cashiers who have to hear me say that but whaddya gonna do after finally being released from decades of corporate speak?!?

  7. Combine my outside voice with my resting bitch face & it’s not always taken in the spirit it was intended!

    1. That’s a tough combination. I was always told never to play poker, because my face said it all.

  8. Absolutely love this! One of the greatest benefits of being retired is that we are beholden to no one and have zero fucks to give. Don’t like my opinion? Move along. Not doing this (🤐) anymore if I don’t feel like it.

    Deb

  9. Great post!! I knew it was time to retire after 44 years as a nurse when I started to lose my filter…..best thing that happened to me! No regrets !

    1. The filters kept some of us solvent, but I’m with you. Way better without them.

  10. Hey Donna, got a good laugh from today’s post. On another subject….what is the decision on the Grand Canyon trip? You will be shocked to hear that my hubs wants us to add it to our itinerary on our way back from trip to Santa Fe. We are going in September. But we are driving our Tesla even tho I detest Elon .

  12. I am starting to think about a new car also was thinking about electric. A few years ago I would have strongly considered a Tesla, but after Elon’s antics, a Tesla is completely off my list. Also my neighbor bought one a few years ago and has had numerous issues with it.

    1. A friend of mine has one and is not happy with it. But then you could say that about any car. I think we just have to make decisions based on what speaks to us and call it a day.

  13. 1. Yes, I’m in the group who permanently misplaced her filter, but to be honest mine was always fairly leaky, even in my youth.

    2. I don’t care what anyone is doing in their bedroom (with consenting adults), I just don’t want to know about it. I think trans people have an incredibly rough row to hoe and have always thought so. I can’t even imagine the years of suffering before making the decision that you were born mismatched.

    However, I do think one has to make wise business decisions and consider who their buyers are. And I don’t know what Bud Light was thinking.

    3. I often hear that people hate some wealthy businessmen, like Bezos and Musk, but no one that I have heard has said exactly why, at least to me. I don’t care if someone wealthy wants to buy Twitter, fly to the moon or go to the bottom of the ocean in a flimsy submarine. But I’m honestly open to hearing what heinous things these guys have done. I really am. I can work up a good hate, believe me. And if the only answer is “They don’t treat their employees well”, my response is that I have never felt “well” treated in any job I worked.

    I’m not trying to make anyone angry, really I’m not. But what has Elon Musk actually done that isn’t just a rumor?

    1. I’m actually quite curuious about what goes on in bedrooms, but I probably need to let it go. I see your point about knowing your customer, but I’m a Bud Light customer, and I thought it was great.

      As for Elon, I react to people in the moment, and he said some things that rubbed me the wrong way. Not necessarily heinous, but enough to make me not want to give him my money. Truthfully, I’ve forgotten exactly what he opined, but I do know he hasn’t said anything new that would make me change my mind. And sure, rich people can do what they want with their money, but I don’t have to like them for it. Buying Twitter was not a rumor, and I have some problems with that as well. As I see it, he tried to give Trump back his voice, and I can’t forgive that. I guess somebody gets to have a strong influence on what is or isn’t free speech, but I don’t want it to be him.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I don’t think you made anyone angry.

    2. Emma, I can help you with valid reasons why I won’t support Jeff Bezos. When he started Amazon, selling books (books only) online, he didn’t charge taxes. Across our nation, people took that as an incentive to browse for books in bookstores, then purchase them from Amazon to save those tax pennies. Unfortunately, taxes are what paves our roads, funds our parks, libraries, and lots of other things that we have come to rely on and enjoy.

      Eventually states came together, sued Amazon and won, so the company now does collect and disburse state taxes. But he still refuses to disburse local taxes. Side note: all independent booksellers in my city went out of business.

      So now, the city where I live has implemented a Parks tax, and a few years later a Library tax. Because they were literally going broke. All so that f@(&^ Jeff Bezos could get over the idea that he is an insignificant little man and prove that he can buy a big yacht and trade up to a younger, sexier wife.

      And I once heard an episode of This American Life where a reporter got a job at an Amazon fulfillment center, and then carried a pedometer and a tape recorder around while she did her job. This was a scary thing for her to do, because Amazon is notoriously secretive about everything and had never allowed a reporter to even interview their employees. What I learned was shocking.

      Nina

  14. I’m learning that I can piss people off when I don’t use my filter, even now. But I adored your old-you and new-you statements! Made me chuckle.

  15. I was in communications also and was happy to give up my filter when I retired. Although I try not to be cruel, I am much more willing to speak out and/or give my very valuable opinion on just about anything.

    I bought my Tesla before the latest Musk craziness and I’m sorry that I added more money to his freak fund. Muskiness aside, I wouldn’t buy my car again. I much preferred my electric Kona.

    1. I agree completely. Even though I don’t like some of these people, I try to not like them with some sort of respect — as in not calling them names.

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