Category: Cannabis

41st anniversary special

Holiday anxiety

The tree is up, but it’s a wee bit tilty, and I’ve been feeling down. I don’t know why. Some of it is the tilt.

I worry about the tree falling over. That, and the Russians, the election, impeachment, climate change, wind blowing furniture into the pool, slippery roads. Sounds like a control thing to me, what with all the wet, windy, tilty, crazy things happening that I can’t fix.    

It had been more than a week since I’d added my high-CBD cannabis tincture to my morning juice, so I got back into my daily dose, and it’s like a miracle for anxiety and excess rumination. I can look at the tree now and not panic.

Nice tree, good tree.

Tincture might be making a comeback. I read notorious cannabis enthusiast Willie Nelson has given up smoking due to breathing issues but is still enjoying cannabis through tinctures and edibles. If anyone can put tincture on the map, it’s Willie.

Whilst in my slump, I also increased my dosage of schmaltz. There are a couple of videos that never fail to make me cry and cheer me up at the same time. Susan Boyle’s first appearance on Britain’s Got Talent is like a rescue inhaler. I also love Tara Lipinsky’s 1998 skate for the gold.

Opening the cat’s presents

For Christmas, Dale bought treats for our cat, Riley, and for his sister’s cat, Earle. The clerk described the treats as crack for cats. Dale wanted to open the package to see if Riley agrees. I was shocked. I mean, isn’t that what he’s getting for Christmas?

Dale said Riley wouldn’t know, but I’m sorry. There are some things you just don’t do, and you don’t go opening your cat’s presents before Christmas. Maybe Christmas Eve, but only if it’s pajamas. Having to explain all this to Dale was exhausting. You can see why I need extra tincture.

Our 41st

So, yes, 41 years of love and exhaustion was celebrated on Saturday. We drove into “the city” and spent the night at a hotel with a highly acclaimed but unpretentious restaurant on the ground floor. We don’t like to dress up, and nice jeans and boots were more than appropriate. We’re also not real slick about navigating urban settings, so having the restaurant in the hotel was perfect. No scary walks at night.

We rarely dine out, mostly because we’re excellent home cooks and almost always disappointed with our meals in restaurants. When we do go out, we find some local haunt, and our bill is usually in the $60 range. And then we’re pissed that we wasted it. For our anniversary, we said, what about going big? Maybe you can buy your way to exceptional food.

Although we were mentally prepared to spend some bucks, it’s always hard for us. We have a comfortable retirement and can afford it, but like many retirees, after saving for so long, it actually is hard to fork over the cash. Fortunately, dinner was spectacular.

Follow the food

For an appetizer, I had grilled octopus with mandarin oranges, shaved fennel, Japanese mustard greens, spicy green sauce and charred avocado. Dale had roasted bone marrow with short rib marmalade, pickled pepper relish, herbs and grilled bread.

We both chose duck for our entrée. It was not planned, but there’s duck history between us. When we were dating, he wooed me from the kitchen of his Bachelor Officer’s Quarters with Duck a L’Orange. Oh, and then there was the benchmark pressed duck in Rouen, France. The wild duck at the fancy place in Paris.

Paris, Rouen … those were our youthful globe-trotting days, before we got loaded down with responsibilities and understood the concept of compound interest. When paychecks were for spending!

This time around it was seared duck breast with onion cream sauce, roasted brussels sprouts leaves, Thumbalina carrots, miniature cannelloni, shaved truffles and duck jus.

I ate every bite and would have licked the plate if I thought I could get away with it. We were both quite full, so we didn’t order dessert. We enjoyed a bottle of Pinot Noir with our meal.

With tip, our bill was $280. The room was $155, plus $32 for parking, so that’s a total of $467 for our 41st wedding anniversary celebration. Seems like a lot, but if anything, we should do it more. Maybe skip on mediocre neighborhood fare and follow the food.

Growing cannabis: a 30-day progress report

My cannabis plant looked healthy, but I didn’t see any growth over a week’s time and concluded it needed more light. Dale originally thought there was plenty of light but changed his mind because, oh, I don’t know, it’s practically winter? Dark and gloomy? What a shocker.

I went ahead and purchased an LED grow light and nearly blinded Dale during the installation. He said he would help put it up, but then he started backtracking. Like maybe there was something easier that didn’t involve ladders and finding a joist in the ceiling.

Neither one of us could find the joist. I said I would call a handyman, but Dale thought that was ridiculous. He said they don’t even pull into your driveway for less than $100, making homegrown cannabis not such a bargain after all. I explained I’ve been frugal about this whole project, but sometimes you just have to throw money at it.

Except I didn’t want to spend the money, either. I said I was going to return the light, which I purchased on Amazon – free shipping both ways. He thought that was best. I did the return online, and this particular item had to go to Kohl’s to get free shipping. Lowe’s is on the way to Kohl’s, so I figured I’d return it and then shop around for alternatives.

Dale suggested we go to Lowe’s first, to look for some sort of stand that could hold the light. I said I already initiated the return. What? He didn’t know how an Amazon return works. It’s a small thing, but it’s like discovering he doesn’t know where babies come from.

Lowe’s didn’t have anything that looked promising, and Dale finally agreed we should call the handyman service. I had to cancel the return, which is easy enough, but I hate doing and undoing. I accused him of making it up as he goes, saying whatever’s convenient, and he said I didn’t understand science or nature.

On the way home, I said what about asking our neighbor? He’s a contractor. Surely, he could find a joist. Dale said look, I know it’s legal, but I’m not sure our neighbor needs to know we’re growing pot. I said what if I remove all the evidence and just say we need a hook in the joist so we can hang a plant? Dale agreed that might work.

Our neighbor came over and even he had a hard time finding the joist, but mission accomplished! Dale put in the hook, and we hung the light. We couldn’t find the switch, so I said maybe you just plug it in. That’s what I did, and it worked great, but at that precise moment, the light was pointed directly at Dale’s face. He was fine after a few minutes, but still, I felt bad.

Everyone is happy again. The plant has been growing for 30 days. I think it’s a little behind schedule, due to the light issues and it not being particularly warm in our house. When it was all said and done, we had our usual “repair the damage” conversation. We misinterpret what each other says and both need to ask better questions to be sure we’re on the same page.

Hugs and kisses all around. Our anniversary is this month – 41 years – and sometimes it’s hard to believe we’ve pulled it off. We occasionally make things harder than they have to be, but we do eventually work it out and are on track to ride out eternity together.

With all the recent rain, we both felt cooped up and to accelerate our recovery, I played golf this morning, and Dale went for a run … as in must get out of house, preferably alone. The sun actually appeared! Perhaps the secret of a long and happy marriage, particularly in retirement, is finding that sweet spot between togetherness and personal space.

And good weather.

When the rain came

Our Thanksgiving was great, although the turkey was a little overdone. We had delicious turkey sandwiches last night on Dale’s homemade bread, so it couldn’t have been all that bad.

There was an incident involving the oven. Dale roasted a pork belly the night before, and apparently grease splattered, creating a lot of smoke when I was getting ready to put in the cheesecake. I had to turn on the fan and open windows. Luckily, it didn’t affect the food, and after the oven cooled, Dale wiped down the inside so we wouldn’t have a smokefest when he started cooking the turkey.

We didn’t argue about it, but I could tell he was annoyed that I was annoyed with smoke. He thinks I overreact, and that might be true, but I don’t see any advantage to embracing smoke and fire as a byproduct of cooking inside the home.

Dale went to bed early, but I stayed up watching the Downton Abbey movie. I love the series and felt like I was reunited with old friends – oh, look, there’s Anna! And Mr. Bates! And Mary’s hair … so chic. But all in all, it was pretty disappointing. I have this vision of the actors putting on their old costumes and laughing hysterically. As in, “Can you believe we’re getting paid to do this?”  

My pumpkin cheesecake was fantastic. I’m experimenting with freezer action. Once the pieces are firm, I’ll wrap them in plastic and put them in a tub or or add another layer of foil.

I am not a Christmas person, but I’m not going to get all grumpy about it, either. I’m just happy to be here. Dale is more into it than I am, but he doesn’t want to put up a tree until about a week before. However, if you don’t go soon, the trees are gone – especially with Thanksgiving coming right at the end of November this year.

Dale is not exactly methodical about getting things done, so I’m not saying a word. I’m hoping he procrastinates until there are no trees to be had. The only potential downside is my annual holiday tradition of drinking single malt scotch while he decorates the tree. I feel certain I could find another excuse to enjoy a wee bit of scotch, if the tree shortage should come to pass.

I finished all my books, and as it turns out, the library is open today! I’ve been avoiding crowds, but the library is reasonably safe. I suppose I’ll have to find something to wear other than jammies and head over there this afternoon, hopefully before the rain kicks in.

Yes, it’s California, but the rainy season is finally here, and it is quite chilly by my standards. I am proud to say I’ve walked about an hour every day. In terms of motivation, I had to dig deep, as I am such a wuus about the cold. But it was fine once I got started.

The rain and cold also affect my golf schedule – what Dale calls, “The Tour.” He usually asks me on Sunday what the tour schedule is this week. I didn’t play last week at all. I’m going to try and squeeze in a round early Tuesday. The rain is supposed to start in the afternoon. I welcome the rain, but I’m already sad about the unpredictability of winter golf.

When golf season is in full swing, I hardly bother with crafts projects. But now that the rainy season has started, I’ll resume my activities in the artist’s studio garage. I still have all the stuff for coasters, as well a piece of discarded fence I think will be interesting to play around with.

My little cannabis plant looks healthy, but it doesn’t seem to be growing much. I think it needs more light, so I caved and purchased an LED lamp. It should arrive today, and Dale said he would help me hang it – the guidelines suggest about one foot above the plant. For some reason, I was thinking of Robert Frost:

My little plant must think it queer to grow without a light source near.

Dale wants to take a turkey break today, but we have yet to discuss what we’ll have instead. I always make soup out of the carcass, so I’ll probably do that Sunday or Monday. Rain tonight, I think, and tomorrow looks like a washout.

I’m looking forward to next week, when everybody else goes back to work!

Growing cannabis (day 10)

Today is day 10 of growing my cannabis plant, which is still in the “jiffy pellet” that came with the kit. It’s almost time to transfer the seedling to the big pot. However, nothing is crisp and clear in the world of gardening … probably another reason I avoided it for so long.

I tend to be literal. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned Humpty Dumpty was an egg. Everyone laughs, but they never said he was an egg. OK? I used to be that way about cooking, too. If the recipe said 450 degrees for 20 minutes, it was 450 degrees for 20 minutes, and it didn’t matter if there were flames shooting out of the oven. Just following the recipe.

With practice and skill, I lightened up and became more creative and flexible in the kitchen. I’m hoping some of that will rub off on my gardening activities. I mean, this is my first attempt to grow anything other than a yeast infection. Learning as I go. And that’s the issue. Other than what the instructions tell me, I don’t know what to expect.

Here’s what I know so far. The smooth more rounded leaves at the bottom are called cotyledons. I think they eventually fall off. The second set of leaves are the big ones, and the third set of leaves are the smaller ones in the middle. While they look healthy to my untrained eye, the instructions say to transplant after about 10 days, or when the third set of leaves are the same length as the second set.

So, there’s my dilemma. The leaves are nowhere close in size. Just to make it more complicated, the instructions say it’s better to transplant sooner rather than later. I suppose I will have to use my judgment, which is always suspect.

The type of cannabis I’m growing is called Ruderalis. It’s an auto-flowering strain that is said to be ideal for growing at home or indoors. It does not need 12-hour cycles of light and dark, as Indica and Sativa require. The plant needs about four hours of sunlight a day.

My seedling is perched by a south-facing window, and although I think it’s getting plenty of light, I’m not really sure. If in doubt, the guidelines suggest supplemental LED lighting. I’m kind of holding out on that front, as the room truly is flooded with warm sunlight most of the day.

I’m wondering if my plant is a little slow to grow because we keep our house rather cool … although the instructions say it should grow fine with a temperature between 69 and 80 degrees. We’re probably at the bottom end of that.

I have to make a decision, and I’ve pretty much decided I’m not waiting too long for the second set of leaves to catch up to the third. I’ll probably give it two more days and then do the transplant. I have this feeling it will work, but it’s going to take a little longer than normal because of the air temperature. Just a WAG on my part.

If the plant fails, I have more seeds and can try again. If needed, I will probably spring for the supplemental LED light. Or maybe it’s just something I can only grow in the warmer months. We’ll see!

A seedling emerges!

I planted my cannabis seed six days ago, and this morning I went in to say hello, you know, encouraging my little one to emerge from the soil, and there it is. My baby seedling!

The instructions now say to keep the pellet damp but not too wet or dry. In about 10 more days, it should be ready for transfer to the big pot. I’ll post another picture when it looks more like a plant … probably right before the transfer.

Here’s my first post about growing cannabis at home. Just another fun retirement hobby …

Cannabis as a house plant

When I retired and started using cannabis to treat my post-mastectomy pain, medical cannabis was legal in California but recreational was not. I’m not positive how it worked, but I think farmers sold their production directly to collectives, who then sold it to consumers. The prices were great!

Then came recreational. Now everything is tightly regulated, there are more middlemen, everything is in fancy packaging and the prices are higher. We’re not getting deals like we used to. I’m not complaining, because I believe regulation is the path toward full legalization, so bring it on. But I miss cheap weed.

I have a friend whose husband grows cannabis in his backyard, and I don’t think they even partake. He just likes to grow stuff. They have been kind enough to give us a couple of mason jars full of very nice weed, but one doesn’t want to be greedy, as in going back and begging for more.

Although I’m not much of a green thumb, I decided to try and grow it. I researched options for growing just one plant. Where I live, you can grow it outdoors, although we don’t get much sun in our backyard. One tomato plant in the ground and a ceramic pot of habanero peppers is about all we can muster. I assumed the only other option would be hydroponic, but it can be complicated and gets expensive fast.

I settled on A Pot for Pot, which is a kit that includes nearly everything you need to grow one plant indoors by a window or under an LED light. I purchased the small 2-gallon kit for $79.95. The plant grows two to four feet and yields up to four ounces of cannabis.

For seeds, A Pot for Pot partners with I Love Growing Marijuana, and you get a 20 percent discount on seeds with your pot kit. The folks at A Pot for Pot say autoflowering seeds are better for growing cannabis as a house plant. Among other things, that means the plants don’t require total darkness to flower. I paid $84 for 10 seeds, leaving some wiggle room for mistakes or more plants in the future!

Everything came in fine form and fashion, and I set it up this weekend. I put the pot by a south-facing window, where I believe it will get enough sun. If not, I’ll have to spring for an LED light. Right now, the seedling is in the little starter kit. If all goes well, it will emerge from the soil in about a week and begin to look like a baby plant after another 10 days. Then I will transfer it to the big pot.

As I said, I’m not much of a gardener. But I thought it was worth a try, and I’m not out a boatload of money. The combined cost of the plant kit and seeds is $88.35. Let’s say I yield four ounces of cannabis. That’s about $22 an ounce. My local dispensary sells buds ranging from $30 for 1/8 ounce to $55 for 1/8 ounce. That’s $240 to $440 an ounce!

We’ll see how it goes, and of course, I’ll keep you posted on my progress. It should take about 11 weeks to grow a fully mature plant. And then I have to harvest, dry, trim and cure.

And people wonder what we do all day in retirement.

CBD for “Hippie Hour”

I was cruising my local dispensary last week and asked if they had any flower high in CBD. I still have enough Harlequin and CBD Shark for one more batch of cannabis balm, and then I need replacement weed! Better get cracking.

The budtender, the person behind the counter, was a nice young woman who made me feel welcome. She pointed me to Harle-Tsu, which is bred by the Southern Humboldt Seed Collective. Harle-Tsu is a high-CBD hybrid cross between Harlequin and Sour Tsunami. The CBD to THC ratio is 20:1.

My Harle-Tsu was packaged and sold by Flow Kana, a company that buys cannabis from farmers in Northern California and then takes care of processing, packaging, marketing, etc. I assume other companies sell Harle-Tsu, but I’m not sure.

Anyway, it looked good to me! I bought one gram for $12. That’s about two small buds.

When I got home, I put some crushed up flower into my PAX 2 vaporizer and let it heat up. You can see in the photo how small the compartment is for the flower. The PAX is not designed for coneheads who want to do mass quantities. For me, it’s a convenient tool for microdosing without the hassle or potential breathing issues associated with smoking a joint.

Because the THC level is minimal, you’re unlikely to get high from this product. I took three or four hits from the vaporizer and felt a sense of calm and relaxation. I had been struggling with my previous blog post, but then all of the sudden I felt focused. I began to write.

If you are interested in the therapeutic benefits of cannabis or are just canna-curious, a high-CBD product is the way to go. I don’t think you can get Flow Kana products outside of California, but if you live in a state with legal cannabis, you should be able to ask for a high-CBD strain at your local dispensary.

Additionally, if you don’t want to invest in a vaporizer and don’t mind smoking, most dispensaries offer their products as pre-rolls. That’s the fancy new term for what we used to call a joint!

I like Harle-Tsu a lot and imagine I will be purchasing more to vape at “Hippie Hour” as well as for my next batch of cannabis balm.

While some readers live in states without legal cannabis or just aren’t interested in cannabis, others are experimenting with CBD-only products. Because I live in California, I have a wide selection of cannabis to choose from and enjoy the whole plant.

I learned more about the whole plant last year, when I attended Oaksterdam University and earned a certificate of achievement in cannabis education. Although CBD is powerful by itself, there is more power in the “entourage effect” of all the cannabinoids in the plant.

That’s why I don’t really mess with CBD-only products, but I am still quite curious and would love to hear about your experiences. Seems like the right product could be just as pleasant as Harle-Tsu for “Hippie Hour.”

Is it safe to vape cannabis?

Wow, we had surprise rain today! I had an early tee time when the weather hit, and I got soaked to the bone. I quit at the 8th and made a beeline for the car. Put on a fuzzy robe when I got home, made a cup of coffee and sat around waiting until lunch seemed like a reasonable option. Heated up some leftover risotto, and did that ever hit the spot.

Then I cleaned up the mess I made in the garage and put my clubs out on a beach towel to dry. I finally got dressed and am headed to the gym to do my new strength training exercises. I’m hopeful I can keep up with the training without hurting my wrist, which is weak from when I broke it several years ago. I talked to the trainer about it, and we took out curls and anything else that might aggravate it.

A quick note about cannabis vaping. I’m pretty sure most of my readers are not cannabis users, but my blog stats show plenty of clicks on cannabis posts, so I continue to share what I’ve learned for those who may be lurking.

First, it’s not up to me to say what is safe and what isn’t. I guess the jury is still out on what has caused the recent lung issues, but from what I’ve read, it’s mostly flavored vape juice and black market cartridges that have been tinkered with.

I occasionally vape. Here’s the deal: I live in California, where cannabis is legal and tightly controlled. You can see the packaging above for a liquid cannabis concentrate you screw onto the end of a vape pen. This is a legal product purchased from a licensed cannabis dispensary. I have nothing to do with black market weed.

If you are in doubt about vaping concentrate but still want to vape rather than smoke, there are other devices and other options. I have the PAX 2 vaporizer, which can only be used to vape flower. It’s a cool little machine that makes it easy to microdose. And you don’t ever have to worry about tainted juice.

I mostly used the cartridges for sleep, and now I prefer the Kiva blueberries anyway, so I’m probably going to pass on vaping concentrates until all this is sorted out. I personally believe the legal cartridges are safe, but I tend to be risk-averse. No harm in laying low for awhile.

If you live in a place where cannabis is not legal but you are somehow getting buds, my advice is to vape the buds instead of juice. You can buy a PAX or a similar device online.

Cannabis as preventive medicine

I’ve been swimming in our backyard pool all summer – 20 to 30 minutes of laps (freestyle). It takes me six strokes to get across the pool. Not ideal, but you can’t beat the convenience.

Soon enough it will be time to find a pool for the colder months. I’ve built up a solid conditioning base, and I’m not going to give it up for winter. That was my original plan, to just swim seasonally. However, I’ve seen a huge improvement in my back pain, as well as my chest muscles, which are messed up from the mastectomy.

There are three options. Two are outdoor pools that claim to be open year-round. I need to go check them out. Even if it’s heated, the idea of getting into a pool when it’s cold outside is hard for me to fathom. Of course, that’s California cold, which isn’t all that bad.

The other pool is part of a gym membership, which I don’t want to pay. I’ll be 64 in a couple of weeks. I’m told Silver Sneakers doesn’t kick in until you’re 65. Depending on what the gym costs, I could do it a year and then switch to Silver Sneakers once I’m on Medicare.

The more I move, the better I feel. I played golf in the mountains yesterday and rode in a cart. Normally, I walk 18 holes two to three times a week. My knees have not bothered me. A few hours of riding in a cart, and my left knee was burning. I put some cannabis cream on it when I got home, and it’s back to normal this morning. Truth be told, I use the cream daily. Some parts just need more attention than others.

Cannabis truly is part of my aging badass lifestyle. When I first retired, I started using it because all of the sudden I could! But I also used it to treat pain and anxiety. I was nervous about retiring … money, moving, everything. But I’ve calmed down and rarely stress over that stuff anymore.

Although I occasionally imbibe for pleasure, I think of cannabis as medicine. I am lucky to be in great health now, but I previously used cannabis to treat the side effects of chemotherapy. Now I mostly use it as a preventive supplement, in maintenance doses, not unlike Glucosamine and other products favored by aging boomers.

For example, I used to put two dropperfuls of tincture into a glass of juice. I’d feel a slight pleasant feeling within an hour. But I didn’t want the cannabis to affect me if I was driving, and my anxiety and pain were quite manageable. I still believe in using cannabis as a whole-body anti-inflammatory, so now I put one dropperful in my juice every morning like a vitamin. I feel nothing, but I believe it contributes to my good health.

A dropperful, by the way, is what you see in the picture. That’s what you get with one full squeeze of the bulb. Dale misunderstood my guidance, and when it only filled up part-way, he poured it into a glass like a drink. Another pour, because I suggested two, and he said all he did was sit and stare into outer space for a couple of hours.

Kids, don’t try this at home. Go slow.

Although I have not used CBD-only products, I understand the lure, especially where cannabis isn’t legal. However, I live in California, where legal cannabis is strictly controlled, and I like that. I’ve read there’s a good bit of fraud in the CBD market, so you often don’t know what you’re getting. Additionally, evidence suggests the whole plant has greater therapeutic value.

Dustin Sulak, a physician and Reiki healer in Maine, has been practicing cannabis medicine since 2009. Dr. Sulak is among those who believe THC is the primary health agent in cannabis.

“The idea that THC is recreational and CBD is medical is far from true,” he said. “THC, milligram for milligram, has a much greater therapeutic effect than CBD. You could treat pain with 3 mg of THC, but it might take 15 to 30 mg of CBD to attain the same relief.” Dr. Sulak recommends the whole plant for overall well-being and to prevent disease.

He’s the one who introduced me to the concept of micro-dosing cannabis … just enough to get the benefits without the high. I’m sold on it, and I hope cannabis continues to keep me healthy through a long and active retirement!

Staying fit with cannabis

Some people don’t like exercise, but some of us practically live for it, and retirement gives us the opportunity to enjoy a variety of activities. I would give up writing and everything else just to focus on sports, but I don’t like putting all my eggs in one basket. I personally think it’s important for all of us to seek balance among creative, intellectual and physical pursuits. In my case, there may come a day when I can’t do all this stuff, and I’ll be grateful I can still put words together. And hopefully, you will be there to read them!

There’s no expiration date on fitness, although some things just don’t work like they used to. I wrote about running. I really saw myself as a runner, but within a few weeks, everything started hurting. It just wasn’t worth it to me, so I went back to walking and hiking.

I almost always walk when I play golf. Several of the women in my golf group are in their 80s. I played with an 85-year-old the other day, and she can hit the ball. She shot a 109, which is not great, but it’s probably what some of the men I play with would score if they actually kept score. There’s an 83-year-old who walks 18 holes with a pushcart.

The walker said she has aches and pains like everyone, but she just keeps going. She’s my inspiration! I want to be just as active in my 80s as I am today. Aside from physical ailments, I figure the biggest risk to my plan is drinking enough water. Staying properly hydrated is an ongoing challenge … and the more you drink, the more you pee, and that comes with its own set of problems.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ll share that I haven’t had an accident yet, but I did buy bladder control pads for long walks and no restrooms. So far, I’ve just tried to make sure I’m completely empty when I go out and hope I make it back in time. I really don’t know what else to do.    

Then there are the aches and pains. I keep moving, stretching and using my cannabis balm. I have not used CBD-only products, so I can’t say how they work. I make my balm from a strain of cannabis relatively high in CBD, so I suspect the results might be similar.

I use my homemade balm twice a day on various body parts. Sometimes I think, well, I’ll skip my knees because they don’t hurt right now. Then I think, well, maybe they don’t hurt right now because I use cannabis balm. I don’t skip my knees.

My back is a mess on the MRI, but it usually doesn’t hurt. I rub the cannabis balm up and down my spine as far as I can reach and along the hips where I sometimes have sciatic pain. I would swear in a court of law the cannabis balm is saving my back.

While I also use the balm for pain across my mastectomy scars, an interesting twist is the introduction of swimming. I swam laps years ago, but access to pools varied over multiple moves and demanding jobs. I used to be kind of a snob about swimming, like why bother unless the pool is Olympic size? Our pool is not big, but this year I decided 20 minutes of laps would not drive me too crazy.

I mean, there is some wall-bashing involved if I don’t pay attention, but I like it. I’ve noticed a big difference in my post-mastectomy pain. Maybe it’s helping my back, too. I just do the crawl – my competency in other strokes is nil. I originally was only going to swim in the summer, when I can use our pool, but now I’m thinking I will have to find an indoor pool for winter swimming. Swimming makes my body feel good, almost like it’s longer, leaner and stronger.

As you may know, I did not have reconstruction after my mastectomy. I’m flat with a few scars. I swim topless, which feels rather decadent to me. My own version of lemonade out of lemons. I suppose I would cover up if I head to a public pool. Of course, I would. Right?