Best places to retire (with snakes)

Many of you considering retirement will choose to stay where you are and “age in place.” I say go for it, if you can! We had no ties to our previous community and needed to move to a more affordable housing market. To help us decide where to live after retirement, I created a spreadsheet with 21 columns, and we factored in everything from air quality and healthcare to walkability and distance to Whole Foods. We did not account for snakes.

The possibility of encountering snakes came as a complete surprise when we were welcomed by our representative at the homeowner’s association. Oh, just one thing, she confided, in the spring you might see a rattlesnake in your garage! At first, I thought she meant there was one rattlesnake that occasionally gets out and visits the neighbors, perhaps someone’s pet with a name. Oh, be sure to watch out for Mr. Slithers! She meant rattlesnakes, plural.

I was calm until a few days later in October, which is not in the spring, and I saw a snake in the garage. Actually seeing a snake squirming around our garage was more of a surprise than hearing one might live next door.

Once I saw the snake, I ever so slowly retreated and made my way back into the house. I said Dale, um, there’s a snake in the garage. He’s all manly and says, oh, let’s just go see what all the fuss is about. He grabs a broom and starts looking but doesn’t see it. All of the sudden, I said, there! For the record, I did not scream. It was the kind of “there” you say when you’re right and he is wrong.

Dale suddenly sees the snake and screams. But after a moment, he remembers feeling manly, so he said, oh, it’s just a little garden snake. I’m like, are you sure? It’s not a rattler? No, he said, and he gingerly used the broom to shew Mr. Slithers out into the driveway.

After that, I avoided the garage. Seriously, I didn’t need anything out there anyway. I Googled rattlesnakes, so I would know exactly what they look like. I also read up on what to do if you encounter a snake of any variety and what to do if a snake bites you. Don’t cut yourself and suck out the blood. Do get to the hospital right away, because you will probably live.

I kept all this to myself, but then the damn broke on the way to the grocery store. I get in the car, and it’s like truth serum. I said, you know, we probably made a mistake buying this house.

What? Are you smoking crack? It’s great! We love it here!

But that was before I knew we lived in snake country.

We do not live in snake country. 

Snake country! How did we not know? The thing is, I’m over it already. Now it’s our little joke. And we love it here, we love our home, we love the community. I was not going to let snakes ruin my retirement – do you hear that snakes? You don’t own me! To be fair, it has been quiet since that first siting. I mean, here it is January, and I haven’t seen another one.

Probably resting up for spring.

In the meantime, here are the 21 columns:

  1. State
  2. State taxes
  3. County
  4. Town
  5. Population
  6. Home prices
  7. State-wide smoking ordinance
  8. Medical cannabis
  9. Miles to ocean
  10. Miles to Whole Foods
  11. Miles to commissary (retired military)
  12. Miles to airport
  13. Healthcare
  14. Average summer lows over 60 degrees
  15. Air quality
  16. AARP Livability Score
  17. Walkability
  18. Golf
  19. Wineries
  20. Public transit
  21. Other amenities
  22. Snakes

The best thing about retirement

I think one reason people are often unhappy in their jobs is the lack of control. For many, you are at the mercy of The Man, and you don’t realize the toll that takes until it’s gone. One of the best things about retirement has been the absence of what felt like constant electric prods – an email, a phone call, an IM, some executive or somebody somewhere is unhappy and needs something now. Drop everything!

Stress and even mind-numbing activity can be stimulating, but life without the prods makes me happy. It’s like there’s extra space in my brain. I love simple pleasures and having time to explore whatever I fancy. Breakfast with my husband, sharing sections of the newspaper. The library! Shopping for groceries in the middle of the day in the middle of the week. A crossword puzzle or a good book. Long walks and sunshine. Happy hour at 4.

To be fair, I should mention a couple of things about retirement I don’t like. For starters, I feel like the house elf. My husband does chores, but he really needs to be on a performance improvement plan. Stupidly, I signed up for floors – all the floors in the house, so that includes mopping and vacuuming. I probably need to renegotiate that deal.

Clutter and dirt screams out at me now that I am not at work all day. It’s in my face! I’m getting used to cleaning more, and I figure it’s good for me to keep moving. Housework is movement, after all.

Trips to Target are more complicated. I used to go by myself. Now, I say, hey, I’m going to Target, and my husband says, “Oh, yay, road trip.” Well, it was not exactly an invitation. We’ve reached a truce. If it’s a task-oriented trip all about hunting it down, killing it with a credit card and dragging it back home, fine, come along. But if I want to wander, I set expectations early. You can wander with me, but do not mess with my Target run.

The other surprise was anxiety. I’ve always been somewhat of a worry wart, but most of my energy was directed at work. I had very little time to let my mind drift to all the things that can go wrong. Suddenly I had a bunch of free time to think about the worst that could happen.

For example, we moved when I retired, and for a couple of months, we owned two houses. I would ruminate in bed at night: What if North Korea bombs us, and nobody buys our house? My husband was like, if North Korea bombs us, I assure you the house will be the least of our worries. But I would dig deeper. What if it’s just a mini-attack, the kind that dampens the market but doesn’t destroy civilization? Could we still sell the house?

Of course, the house did sell, and that was a relief. I still think about North Korea, but at least I only have one mortgage.

Treating pain with cannabis tea

For those of you who aren’t into cannabis and are inclined to skip this post because you want to read more about aging badass and other fun retirement topics, WAIT! Please hang around for a minute or two, because cannabis may help you in ways you never thought possible.

As I was saying, I had no interest in marijuana until I read an article about Kikoko cannabis-infused tea. Kikoko caters to women who probably haven’t even thought about marijuana or how it might help them with middle-age maladies, and they certainly don’t want to smoke or get super stoned.

I had just retired and was still experiencing post-mastectomy pain from my 2015 procedure. Let’s just say, it hurts like hell when they amputate your breasts and remove lymph nodes, and for some of us, there’s long-term burning pain where they cut into the nerves.

Shortly after I read the article, I went online to HelloMD and got a medical marijuana card. I live in California, but HelloMD also helps with medical marijuana cards for other states where it’s legal. HelloMD was inexpensive and easy. I had a Skype-like interview with a doctor, who was incredibly well-informed about edibles and other new products in the maze of medical marijuana. You don’t have to smoke it, and you don’t have to get high.

There are tons of online resources for explaining cannabis and its medical benefits. Kikoko’s Proof section is excellent. The articles on HelloMD are also fantastic – I subscribe to their newsletter. I’m just learning about all this myself, so I’ll share the most rudimentary explanation.

  • Cannabinoids are parts of the cannabis plant that interact with receptors in our bodies.
  • Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) is psychoactive, and it’s the cannabinoid that gets you high.
  • Cannabidiol (CBD) has no psychoactive effects but can be a powerful anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant and sleep aid.
  • Today’s marijuana strains are typically loaded with THC and not at all like the pot you may have smoked in high school. Let’s just say it’s a lot easier to get wasted these days.
  • Low-dose cannabis – even with modest amounts of THC – won’t get you crazy high and can help with a cornucopia of ailments.

Since I list myself among those with a cornucopia of ailments, I signed up at Kikoko and provided them with my medical marijuana documents. My first purchase was Sympa-Tea, which is mostly CBD with a hint of THC. I was so excited when it was delivered to my doorstep. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and I was at home with no place to go. No driving for sure!

First of all, the tea is delicious. It’s all natural with hints of orange and ginger. I added a little honey. After about 30 minutes, I could feel the corners of my lips cracking into a slight smile. That’s it for feeling stoned! But the happy vibe lasted for hours, and I had a great day. Here’s what I wrote to the company later in the evening:

“I received my tea today, and I made a cup of the Sympa-Tea. I am a 62-year-old two-time cancer survivor with post-mastectomy pain. I just had the best day. Such a pleasant little buzz but not really a buzz – just a feeling of wellness. I made soup, homemade marshmallows, I walked. I could feel pain but it was secondary to feeling great. I am so excited about this product.”

Some of us call this style of consuming cannabis microdosing. That’s my strategy, and continued microdosing has further eradicated the pain. Here’s the weird part – I’ve never thought of myself as depressed, but I’m a worry wart, so I guess that’s anxiety and perhaps a form of low-level depression. Regularly microdosing cannabis by drinking this tea and using other products I will talk about later – I am a happier and calmer person. Like, is this how I was supposed to feel all these years?

Better late than never.

California legalized recreational marijuana Jan. 1, and with that came a boatload of new regulations, so the process for purchasing Kikoko has changed. Their website lists dispensaries in California that deliver state-wide. I like home delivery and have yet to set foot in an actual dispensary.

If you don’t live in California, but you do have access to medical marijuana, there’s still hope. I’m no Walter White, but I have been able to somewhat replicate the effects of the tea with homemade tincture. I’ll save that for a future post. Oh, and the amazing sleep tea. So many stories to share!

Surviving cancer and its aftereffects with cannabis

I’ll bet some of you are waiting to read more about great cannabis products! I will get to that very soon, but first I wanted to tell you a bit about being a two-time cancer survivor, since cancer is the reason I became a believer in medical marijuana.

In 1999, at age 43, I was diagnosed with a rare variation of ovarian cancer called Primary Peritoneal Cancer (PPC). I had a hysterectomy a few years earlier, and both of my ovaries were removed then. But with PPC, cancer shows up in the lining of the abdomen instead of the ovaries. PPC is considered virtually the same disease as ovarian cancer since the cells of the peritoneal lining develop from the same type of cell that lines the surface of the ovaries.

The cancer was advanced, and treatment was surgery to remove the tumors along with six months of chemotherapy. The treatment worked and since then, I have been what we in the cancer community call NED – no evidence of disease. But as most know, chemo takes a toll.

Chemo killed my appetite, and I started to lose a lot of weight. You’ve got to be strong to fight this disease, so not eating wasn’t helping my plan to survive. My doctor suggested marijuana, but we lived in South Carolina, where it was illegal in all forms. Lucky me, I had a friend who had a friend who had a cousin in North Carolina who once smoked dope, so my friend drove up there and got me some.

It was a risk, because my employer did random drug tests, but all I could think about was surviving. I hated smoking it, but it was instant relief. I’d be sick and miserable on the couch, and my husband would bring me a little joint to smoke. Pretty soon, I’d be like what’s for dinner? I gained back the weight I lost and stayed steady and strong throughout my treatment. I never got called for a random, and as soon as my treatment was over, I stopped using marijuana.

Sixteen years go by, and I’m living just fine without cannabis. It never occurred to me to use it, and I was always employed by companies that had drug policies anyway. In 2015, a routine mammogram revealed DCIS, a usually not-so-bad form of early stage breast cancer. Because of my history, they did the genetic test, and I was positive for the BRCA 1 gene mutation. Both of my cancers were caused by this mutation.

With the mutation, even DCIS is potentially more dangerous. Normal treatment would have been removing the lump and radiation, but my doctor said we needed to be aggressive, so I had a bilateral mastectomy. I chose not to have reconstruction and am a proud member of the Flat & Fabulous community. If you look at the picture above, it sort of appears I have nipples, but those are just lumps and bumps from scar tissue.

For me, the long-term effects of ovarian cancer are all related to having no estrogen. Other than a nasty scar, I’m not much worse for the wear – even though the chances of me living through it were slim. The breast cancer was far less of a threat to my life, but the long-term effects are much greater. You just don’t realize what happens to your body when they amputate your breasts and remove lymph nodes. For many of us, the pain and discomfort is persistent.

To relieve the pain, I tried physical therapy, massage and over-the-counter pain meds. All of it helped to some extent, but I was going for the holy grail. Shortly after I retired, I read an article about Kikoko Sympa-Tea, a new cannabis product high in CBD and low in THC. I’ll write more about my love affair with Kikoko and CBD in the coming weeks, but I’ll just say now it was a life changer. Cannabis cured the pain and helped in unexpected ways – anyone with anxiety?

Now that I’ve survived cancer twice, I’m all about enjoying life to its fullest. I was so afraid I would die young, but now I’m trying to figure out how to age badass!  All you cancer survivors out there –  stay strong and don’t give up hope. And anyone else who stumbled across this blog – I hope you will come back for some thoughts on how cannabis can improve your life.

The path to semi-early retirement

For many years, I was focused on working hard at my job and building my career. No regrets. Even after I had ovarian cancer at age 43, I was still full-speed ahead, and I was annoyed with anyone who even suggested I might want to retire someday. I wanted to be last man standing, the one who turns out the lights. One bad job later, and I was rethinking everything.

What made the job bad? I was treated with arrogant indifference by my boss and his cohorts, and I was bullied by one of his closest aides. Yes, it was just one job out of many great jobs I’ve had in my career, but the experience changed me. I think because of the way I grew up with a certain degree of indifference by my parents, I was expecting validation from work. I always got it because I was good at what I did. Take that away, and I felt empty. My problem, not theirs.

I made it out alive with my soul intact and went onto bigger and better things. I had a really good job and was making enough money to enjoy life’s many offerings, but I had so little time left over. While I was grateful to be earning a solid living, I was treated for breast cancer in 2015, discovering I was positive for the BRCA 1 genetic mutation. It occurred to me if one has some degree of financial stability, perhaps time is more valuable than money.

My time was compromised by a long commute to my job in Silicon Valley – 2.5 hours roundtrip on a bus. A nice bus, for sure, but the ride certainly made for a long day. I was up at 4 a.m., at my desk by 6:30 a.m. and home around 5:30 p.m. if traffic cooperated. Clean up, eat dinner and pretty soon it was time to check emails and go to bed.

The bad job started the ball rolling, but it was a book that sealed the deal. As I was searching for ideas to help me live healthy in spite of the killer commute, I came across The Blue Zones Solution by Dan Buettner. Dan explores the nine countries where people live long and healthy lives, and guess what? They don’t live like us. It’s not like I’m going to move to Costa Rica or Okinawa, but reading about their lifestyles changed my perspective and helped me eat better, too. The recipes alone are worth the price of admission.

Then the voices in my head chimed in with some tough questions. How much money did I really need? When would there be enough? How else might I live my life? What creative pursuits had I abandoned over the years as I put all my efforts into my job? What else could I do? What if I retired with enough money to do whatever I wanted? To explore being a healthy, happy and creative person who works on her own terms? Would I find validation? Would it matter?

We had always been savers, so money, while always a concern, wasn’t the biggest issue. It was my attitude about money that changed. For the first time, I thought maybe there’s such a thing as enough money, and maybe you don’t have to forfeit the rest of your life in exchange for more.

For the next couple of years, my free time was all about planning for the day I could pull the plug, which I did in September 2017 at age 62. If you’re even thinking there’s life after work, you’ll be happy to learn I’ll be sharing some of my planning and money-saving tips on this blog. If you’re still all about the work, that’s OK, too. You just might find a few tips that will help you chart your own path to financial freedom!

Health, Happiness & Cannabis

My name is Donna Pekar. You can check out my About Me page for a quick read, but I thought I’d embellish it a little bit so you can learn more about the topics I’ll be exploring on this blog. I hope you will come along for the ride!

I’m a two-time cancer survivor, retired corporate communications executive, communications strategy consultant and U.S. Army veteran. Although I had a great career, I did not want to do it forever. I envisioned a different sort of life as I aged, focused less on the traditional trappings of success and more on health and happiness. With careful money management and a bit of good luck, I retired in September 2017 at age 62.

Retirement Confidential is my new blog about getting older and making the most of it! Not everyone can retire, and not everyone wants to. But we all age, and my stories are about the journey ahead. How can we age badass and stack the deck for a long, healthy and happy life?

My guiding principles are move more, eat well, look good, stay healthy, keep learning, use cannabis wisely and enjoy simple pleasures.

Perhaps some of my former business colleagues are reading this and going, who knew? Donna is a pothead! However, that is not the case. Although I tried marijuana when I was much younger, it was never my thing. With reluctance, I discovered the benefits of medical marijuana when I had ovarian cancer in 1999. I hated the idea of smoking anything, but smoking pot during chemo probably saved my life. Still, I happily gave it up after I got a clean bill of health and went back to work full speed ahead. I never missed it.

I discovered cannabis again after I retired and was desperate for something to help with long-term pain following a 2015 mastectomy to treat breast cancer. I got approved for using medical marijuana in California, where I live, and I began the great experiment. Cannabis cured the pain, and I’m delighted to have benefited in other unexpected ways. This time around, I learned you don’t have to smoke it, and moderation is key. You don’t have to get high. Sometimes it’s as simple as a cup of cannabis tea.

Seriously – I am as surprised as anyone that pot is part of my aging badass strategy. We’ll have to see what happens with the federal law, but for now, medical cannabis is legal in 29 states and the District of Columbia. And then there’s recreational …

I live in Northern California with Dale, my husband of 39 years. Originally from Southern California, I moved shortly after high school to make a living and see the world. I came back in 2013 for a job and we said, this is it! After moving 23 times over the course of our careers, we love it here and are happy to call it home. Our only baby is Riley, an extra-cute and super-fluffy Maine Coon mix. We are ferocious cooks and love to spend time outdoors.

P.S. Some of you may remember my former blog Rock the Silver, which ran from 2008-2013. Rock the Silver was about going gray with style. Thanks for finding me again! And oh, thank you for your patience as I work through technology challenges and continue to expand my social media presence.