A low-maintenance undo hairdo for retirement

Have you thought about what your hair might look like as you get older?

My hair started planning for retirement before I did. I stopped dying it in 2008, partly because I didn’t want to mess with chemicals anymore and partly because I didn’t want to waste time and money at the salon. I ended up liking my natural color better than the patented brown dye job with blonde highlights.

First I went gray, then I went short and then I went long. I always had bangs because they were comforting – I didn’t like seeing my aging face exposed. But bangs require trims, which is just one more thing. I also wear hats, and I find bangs and hats don’t mix well. So, I grew out my bangs, made peace with my face and ended up with a long bob.

This is what I call retirement hair. No dye and only needs a haircut every couple of months. It’s the low-maintenance money-saving undo hairdo. I have fine fairy hair. Is it ideal? No. I’ve learned to embrace my hair’s natural qualities and just let it do what it wants. No blow dryer, no curling iron, no other products.

My hair is dry. I shampoo and condition in the evenings about twice a week. I might have retired earlier if I hadn’t spent so much money on useless hair products. I finally settled on Klorane, which I buy at Ulta. Klorane products don’t have silicones, so it took a few weeks for my hair to adjust, but now I really like how it looks and feels. Sometimes there’s a little frizz – so what.

I go to bed with it damp, and whatever I wake up with, is whatever I wake up with. The picture above is second-day hair. If for some reason I don’t like the way it looks down, I put it in my trusty man bun – otherwise known as a messy bun. That’s it!

I’m currently using the Klorane shampoo and conditioner with mango. Every couple of weeks, I use the whitening shampoo with Centaury, which I have found to be much better than any of the purple shampoos I’ve used in the past. And it smells divine.

How do you want your hair to evolve as you get older? I know there are men reading this and thinking, I’d just like to have hair. There are women thinking that, too! We’ve been torturing our heads for years, and chances are, these precious follicles could use a break in retirement. Learn to love what you have (or don’t have) and go enjoy the rest of your life!

 

 

Penetrex to help an aging body stay active

Choosing to retire was a lifestyle decision. I had a great job, but it sucked up all my time, and I didn’t want to live that way anymore. Is it me, or is work overrated?

I don’t have a full-time job anymore, but I’m like just about everyone else working or retired. Getting older and doing what I can to stack the deck for a long, healthy and happy life.

My guiding principles are move more, eat well, look good, stay healthy, keep learning, use cannabis wisely and enjoy simple pleasures.

That last one … pain. Pain is a thief that will rob you of joy and diminish your mobility, which can have disastrous effects on your overall health. I’ve been writing about my use of cannabis to deal with post-mastectomy pain and other afflictions, and I also wanted to share my experience with a product anyone can use.

Penetrex is a topical cream you can buy on Amazon or at Walmart that treats anything resulting from inflammation of muscles, nerves, ligaments and tendons. The active ingredient is an herb called Arnica.

While I do use cannabis products to ease inflammation in my body, so far I haven’t tried cannabis topicals to target specific areas. However, I use Penetrex in multiple ways.

  • Knees. I injured mine in a sports accident almost eight years ago. They hurt and swell for no good reason. Using Penetrex regularly keeps me walking about five miles a day pretty much pain-free.
  • Sciatica. The MRI says I have bulging discs and spinal stenosis. My principal symptom is sciatica. I put Penetrex on the spot where it hurts, as well as up and down my spine, because I figure that’s where the pain originates. I have not had a full-blown sciatica episode since I started using Penetrex nine months ago.
  • Breast cancer scars. The area around my armpits where they removed lymph nodes looks like the Grand Canyon – sometimes those scars just burn and sting. Penetrex makes it go away almost instantly.

My sister and I are famous for having weird medical issues. That’s why neither one of us has children – the gene pool stops here. She has a thing called Chilblains, which makes her toes itch, hurt and turn blue. She uses Penetrex as soon as an episode begins, and it’s gone before it starts. My husband uses it with great success on his shoulder, which he injured years ago playing racquetball.

Obviously, I’m a big fan of Penetrex. Just get me a bucket and a paint roller. The literature says the product treats inflammation, which encompasses a lot of ailments but certainly not all. Do you think it’s worth a try?

What to wear in retirement?

There are dozens of blogs about fashion and style for women over 50. This is not one of them. Some of the looks are inspiring, but when it’s all said and done, appearance is not my hobby.

Not that I want to look bad. But even if you fight the cosmetic effects of aging with surgery, injectables, hair dye and fashion-forward outfits, guess what? You are still getting old. It’s liberating to love life and accept how you look with a minimum of effort. I’m willing to try, just not that hard, and I don’t want my legacy to be she died wearing cute clothes.

That said, appearance haunts a lot of us as we age, and worrying about what to wear is hardwired into my brain. My mother used to say she would slit her wrists if she couldn’t buy a new blouse. We didn’t have much money, but we had fancy church outfits with matching hats and little purses. A special shorts set for our annual trip to Disneyland. How fun it was to shop for school dresses at Sears – three for $10.

Dressing well appealed to me in theory, but I didn’t find my sweet spot until late in my career. For me, it was all about keeping it simple. I put a fair amount of time into finding a few classic outfits for work, and then I was done! I didn’t go shopping again unless I needed a replacement.

Now that I’m retired, I usually wear something comfortable for puttering around the house and suitable for my afternoon walk. My equivalent of yoga pants. But there are occasions where I need something more, and I’ve been informed by a dear friend previously known as Stylish Young Coworker (SYC) that men’s jeans from Kohl’s aren’t my best option.

I honestly appreciate experts weighing in because it saves me the work. A reader shared an endorsement for Levi’s boyfriend jeans … ordered them from Amazon but didn’t like the way they fit. I texted a picture of me wearing them to another special person in my life we shall call Bossy Fashion Friend (BFF).

Me: these are boyfriend jeans. aren’t they supposed to be baggy?

BFF: I like the more fitted bf jean. Not a fan of the loose. Because if you go big, you’ll get that sag that’s not flattering.

Me: these are the men’s jeans i like

BFF: Lol. They are too loose on you! There should be a dong in the crotch of those.

Me: hahahaha

BFF: Keep the bf ones. Super cute and flattering.

Then she started talking slouchy tees and cardis, and my eyes glazed over. I seriously do not want to spend much time thinking about clothes. Just need a couple of minimalist go-to retirement outfits so I can forget about it and go on with life.

BFF: Your work wardrobe was on point. Now you need casual clothes.

Me: yes, i usually wear track pants. today is the first day in a week i put on real clothes.

Since I was already dressed, why not head over to Kohl’s and check out the women’s department? I tried on Levi’s slimming skinny jeans, and I liked them! I texted BFF a picture from the dressing room.

Me: what think?

BFF: YES! So cute! Those jeans are fab.

Me: ok. i’m buying.

Since I was on a roll, I went back to the men’s department. It’s like a magnet. Secret deals only men know about. I had to twist strangely to read the label on the jeans I was wearing, but I saw they were Levi’s 505s.

Why, what luck! There they are! I selected a size smaller than I currently wear out of respect for dreaded butt sag, and they fit. Men’s jeans have nice deep pockets. I guess they shorten the pockets on women’s jeans to reduce bulk, because bulk is the devil’s work.

In the end, I left Kohl’s with skinny jeans, a light denim shirt, men’s jeans and another pair of track pants. I got home and tried them all on again, because that is what I do. I also wanted to see how the skinny jeans paired with Birkenstocks, because I’m all about ugly shoes.

Me: with birkies??

BFF: Yes, love that!! And roll up your sleeves a bit, too.

Dang, she is bossy. But back to my original question. What to wear in retirement? Whatever you want!

A well-stocked pantry includes cannabis edibles for sleep

My entry-level forays into the modern maze of marijuana led me to products for managing pain after my second bout of cancer. The first cancer – ovarian – almost killed me. But the second – breast – resulted in long-term post-mastectomy pain.

Once I got pain under control, I was like, gee, what else might cannabis do? As I’ve aged, I don’t sleep all that well. I know, take a number. Right? I usually fall asleep quickly, but wake up and ruminate about everything imaginable. Sometimes I have to get up and make a list, just so I can “let it go.”

Enter our friend, cannabis. Here’s what I learned:

  • There are three types of cannabis – Indica, Sativa and Hybrid. Indica promotes relaxation and sleep, while Sativa is more uplifting. Hybrids are somewhere in the middle.
  • THC is the psychoactive component of cannabis, and THC can help you go to sleep.
  • CBN is the non-psychoactive component of cannabis, and CBN can help you stay asleep.
  • THC and CBN work better together.
  • Herbals such as chamomile and lavender complement cannabis for enhancing sleep.
  • If you smoke or vape cannabis for sleep, you’ll get faster results.
  • If you ingest it, the process is slower, but you’ll probably stay asleep longer.

As I see it, edibles are the way to go. I’m a novice at all this, so I wanted to keep it simple. I had success with Kikoko Sympa-Tea tea for pain, so I went back to the well and purchased Tranquili-Tea, which has 5mg of CBN, 3mg of THC and lots of delicious complementary herbs. This product is unlikely to get you high.

Cannabis for sleep was revolutionary. For me, it’s the best night’s sleep ever. Even if I have to get up to pee, which is a given, I can go right back to sleep and wake up in the morning feeling refreshed. I don’t use it every night, mainly because I try to stretch out my supply, but I do enjoy a cup several nights a week. Sound sleep cannot be underestimated, and I’m hopeful good ZZZs will contribute to my strategy for living a long, healthy and happy life.

Here’s my routine: I make the tea and take it with me to bed. I read for awhile, and then I start to feel sleepy, I drink the tea. By this time, the tea isn’t hot anymore, but that doesn’t matter. It’s right there, and I don’t have to disrupt my rest pattern. I’ll read a little bit more and then zonk.

Kikoko is available in California. If you live where medical or recreational cannabis is legal, I encourage you to visit a dispensary and see what they stock that might produce the same effects. There is a lot of competition in this category! Hopefully, now you know what to look for. Of course, I’ll continue to seek out new products to review.

Please be especially careful with edibles. This is medicine. Make sure you know the potency of the product you choose. If you are unaccustomed to using cannabis, it’s easy to take too much. I’m a lightweight and find that even 10mg is too strong. I mean, nothing horrible happens if you overdo it, but you won’t like the way you feel. Start low and go slow!

As always, even if you are not a cannabis user, I encourage you to share this information and have discussions with older adults in your life who may find relief in medical marijuana.

Cooking at home is a retirement skill

I had been planning retirement for several years and to be sure I wasn’t just a crazy kid with a dream, I created a spreadsheet detailing our income through age 95. Not sure what happens after that.

But I am a journalism major, so I needed someone qualified to check my math. We met with a financial planner, and I showed him the spreadsheet. He validated my numbers and asked about money for travel and dining out because certainly we’d be doing a lot of both in retirement.

I’m not opposed to travel or eating in restaurants, but that’s somebody else’s dream. My husband, Dale, and I traveled extensively for work and pleasure when we were younger, and we don’t have a big travel jones. As far as dining out is concerned, we mostly cook at home.

While cooking at home saves money, it’s more about eating well, especially as we age. Dale and I are no saints when it comes to so-called clean eating. Our approach is most things in moderation. Even decadent treats like chimichangas (do you hear that, chimis? I love you, man) are better for you and better tasting if you make them at home, with homemade refried beans, homemade salsa, etc.

One of the many things I love about retirement is having more time to participate in the kitchen. Dale is a fantastic home chef, and because he retired 10 years before I did, he pretty much took care of dinner. Now we are sharing, and although I was worried I might be encroaching on his turf, our kitchen adventures together have turned out great. And I’ll just say it. I like me some control.

Our dietary goal is to cook and enjoy delicious food, keep off excess weight and manage cholesterol.

Meals include lots of Mediterranean-type dishes noted in aging badass bible, The Blue Zones, but we love a wide variety of food purely for the sensory pleasure and refuse to demonize it. That said, there are a few things we just don’t do. No sodas, diet or otherwise. We avoid packaged food, fast food, fake anything, diet anything. I’m also a huge fan of Michael Pollan, if you need inspiration for cooking and eating well.

In my view, learning to cook and appreciate quality food is a retirement must. Start before you retire! You really don’t want to go through old age in fear of food. There’s already plenty to be afraid of.

 

Is DIY cannabis tincture for you?

I had no plans to try marijuana when I retired at age 62. Although I have a friend who uses it, I thought pot made him lazy. I was experiencing post-mastectomy pain and decided to get a medical marijuana card and purchase some cannabis-infused tea. The tea worked fabulously, and I started using cannabis in a sensible and mindful way on a regular basis.

Cannabis did NOT make me less productive – it turns out my friend was just lazy to begin with.

The first product I tried was Kikoko Sympa-Tea. I reviewed it here. Kikoko is a simple and delicious way to enjoy the benefits of cannabis, especially if you are new to marijuana. Still, you don’t always want tea, and I wondered if there were less expensive ways to get roughly the same effect.

Tincture.

For background, you can read my post introducing tincture, which is usually an alcohol-based extract. Most people put it under the tongue for immediate effect or in a beverage for slower onset. If you only use a little, you’re not going to feel much onset, and that’s the idea. Just a pleasant feeling that for me, eases pain and inflammation, quiets anxiety and lifts my mood.

Truth: I didn’t think I was depressed … maybe sort of bummed for no good reason. Although I felt good, I used to wonder what would make me crazy happy. It turns out small daily doses of cannabis washes away the negativity and leaves me feeling exceedingly happy for no good reason.

I learned that true happiness is a state of mind and not about what you have, where you travel or what you achieve. Some people come by inner happiness naturally, but those of us with baggage might need something like cannabis to unclutter our complex emotions and reveal the joy that lies within.

Most dispensaries sell tincture. A typical ½ ounce bottle runs about $45. My suggestion is to buy some and see how it works before purchasing a larger quantity of pot to make your own tincture at home.

An ounce of weed can run $350, but I did the math, and my DIY tincture is $1.71 per dose as opposed to dispensary tincture, which rolls in at $7.50 per dose.

I like to putter in the kitchen, but to make tincture, you are dealing with alcohol and open flame, and my retirement plans do not include burning down the house. I purchased a Magical Butter machine, which makes all this simple. It’s now selling for about $175 (look for online discount coupon codes). I did not include this one-time cost in my financial analysis. I also did not include the cost of the bottles, which were $10.99.

The hardest part was figuring out which strain of marijuana to use. I already had CBD Shark, which according to Leafly, “Offers an equal ratio of THC and CBD, a cannabinoid combination that helps patients treat an array of symptoms like pain, anxiety and inflammation without the overly intoxicating effects induced by many high-THC strains.” I bought more CBD Shark.

The recipe is spelled out in the Magical Butter owner’s manual, so I’ll just give you a general idea of what happens in case you want to try it or run screaming from the room.

First, you cook whole buds in the oven for a bit. I used a Corning casserole dish with a glass cover, and there were no odors in the house. The reasons for cooking it are complicated. It’s called decarboxylation, and I don’t really get it. I just do what I’m told. Then you add the buds and Everclear grain alcohol to the machine. There will be Everclear left over, so save it for next time or take it with you to the toga party.

The owner’s manual has instructions for temperature and timing — basically you push two buttons and let it go. The machine lights up (in a festive way) and makes crazy noises, but you don’t have to watch it every second. I just let it do its thing on the kitchen counter for several hours while I did stuff around the house.

When it’s done, strain it through a filter that comes with the machine and put it in dark glass bottles. I bought these on Amazon. It’s best kept in the fridge.

That’s it! You can also use the machine to make infused oils and butters and even chocolate, but I haven’t tried those yet.

Start slowly, perhaps just three drops in a beverage of your choice. Add another drop the next day, and the next day until you find your sweet spot. My daily dose is one dropperful in a little lemon-ginger shooter.

While not everyone who reads this will jump up and buy a bottle of cannabis tincture, I hope you will keep an open mind about mindful use for older adults trying to live happy and healthy lives. Do you have a loved one who might benefit from cannabis?

 

Backpacking to the bank with my nest egg

Although I like the concept of looking stylish in retirement, I simplified my wardrobe in the last few years of working, and I just can’t get too excited about clothes anymore. I buy my jeans in the men’s department at Kohl’s, and I wear a lot of black because it’s easy. I’ve been told I look menacing, and I’m afraid that’s what happened at the bank this week.

Part of my retirement income came in a lump sum. Not ideal in terms of taxes, but I had no idea what I was doing when I made distribution decisions, and I’ve accepted the government gets a big chunk of it. As someone once said to me, if you’re paying more money in taxes, it means you have more money to begin with. Be grateful.

The check came Tuesday, and I wanted to deposit it right away. I’m an avid walker and hope to keep walking as long as my body parts hold up. I especially love to walk with a destination in mind and knew there was a trail from my house that would ultimately get me to the bank, so I put on my standard winter walk wear: black Sugoi track pants, black Champion polyester half-zip top from Target, black Tilley hat, a layer for warmth and a black backpack. Because what other color would it be?

It was a beautiful walk that took about 30 minutes. When I arrived at the bank in my hiking clothes with this hunk of nest egg in my backpack, there was a greeter who gave me the evil eye. She said, and I quote, “Did you have a transaction here?”

No, I’m just looking for a place to take a dump.

I didn’t say that because I am such a Girl Scout. I said, “Yes, I need to deposit a check.”

She points me to a counter, I fill out the slip and make my way to the teller, who also gives me the up and down. I said, “I get the sense ya’ll think I’m homeless, but I assure you I’m not.”

The teller said, “Oh, no, my mother always taught me. Never judge a book by its cover.”

That hurt. I mean, really, I thought I looked kind of cute.

Then she looked at the check and asked if we sold a house. I said, no, that’s my retirement. I did not add, “And it won’t be in your bank for very long.”

Later this week my husband got a $30 refund from overpaying his dental bill. He drove to the bank in his khaki cargo shorts and bright green North Face pullover, and apparently, he did NOT look menacing. Later I wanted to know if they asked him if he was there for a transaction. No, they just said, hi, welcome to Bank of America.

Cannabis tincture for happy aging

Getting older is a pleasure and a curse. On one hand, I’m thankful to be here, and actually, I’m having a pretty great time. On the other hand, it sucks to see yourself next to these fresh-faced millennials with their shiny thick hair and teeth that grew up on floss and Fluoride.

But that’s OK. My secret is to care less about how I look and more about how I feel. Please don’t get me wrong. I try to dress well and all that, but feeling wonderful totally surpasses wearing some snazzy new outfit every day.

Pain, stress, insomnia and anxiety can all impact our ability to feel wonderful as we age. I originally started using cannabis for pain, but as it happened, small doses relieved my anxiety, helped me sleep better and left me feeling happier than I knew was possible. I am amazed – is this how I was supposed to feel all along?

My go-to product is cannabis tincture, which is an alcohol-based extract. Tincture as medicine goes way back. Anecdotally, cannabis tincture or elixir was prescribed to Queen Victoria to relieve menstrual cramps. According to Joe Dolce, in his book Brave New Weed: Adventures into the Uncharted World of Cannabis, even the big drug companies used to sell it. Until the early 1900s, cannabis tincture was the primary form of pain killer in the United States. About that time, anti-marijuana prohibitions screwed the pooch on all that.

Happily, tincture is back and thriving where medical and recreational marijuana is legal. It’s perfect for people who can’t or don’t want to smoke it. My suggestion is to buy a bottle for around $40 at a dispensary. Tincture is made from all kinds of cannabis strains – if you’re not after the big high, look for something with CBD – the cannabinoid that has no psychoactive effects but can be a powerful anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant and sleep aid.

You can put the liquid under your tongue, and that’s a fast way to feel the effects, but it’s not much fun. Also, tincture can be made with vegetable glycerin or alcohol. Alcohol-based tincture burns like hell unless you mix it with something, such as a beverage. That’s what I do, and I feel the effects within 30 minutes.

Always go slow. Try three individual drops – not dropperfuls! To gauge effectiveness, I wait to see if I have a pleasant feeling and possibly a hint of a smile. If you don’t feel anything, gradually increase your dose until you reach the sweet spot.

My daily dose turned out to be one dropperful in a little juice shooter with breakfast. Doing this every day helped relieve my post-mastectomy pain and just overall makes me feel better … certainly less wired, as I tend to be. My husband says I am easier to live with, so that ought to account for something.

Even more good news – tincture is a whiz to make yourself – and way cheaper. My husband calls me Mr. White, but all jokes aside, cannabis is legal where I live, and tincture is safe and easy to make. Because I am an aging foodie, I add it to a delicious Meyer lemon and ginger juice I make myself, and it’s just a healthy and yummy way to start the day. I will let you know how to make tincture at home and share other recipes in future posts!

If you still have doubts about cannabis being safe and effective medicine , I encourage you to read up. Mr. Dolce’s book is an excellent start. Personally, I don’t want to grow old without a little cannabis in my life.

 

Best places to retire (with snakes)

Many of you considering retirement will choose to stay where you are and “age in place.” I say go for it, if you can! We had no ties to our previous community and needed to move to a more affordable housing market. To help us decide where to live after retirement, I created a spreadsheet with 21 columns, and we factored in everything from air quality and healthcare to walkability and distance to Whole Foods. We did not account for snakes.

The possibility of encountering snakes came as a complete surprise when we were welcomed by our representative at the homeowner’s association. Oh, just one thing, she confided, in the spring you might see a rattlesnake in your garage! At first, I thought she meant there was one rattlesnake that occasionally gets out and visits the neighbors, perhaps someone’s pet with a name. Oh, be sure to watch out for Mr. Slithers! She meant rattlesnakes, plural.

I was calm until a few days later in October, which is not in the spring, and I saw a snake in the garage. Actually seeing a snake squirming around our garage was more of a surprise than hearing one might live next door.

Once I saw the snake, I ever so slowly retreated and made my way back into the house. I said Dale, um, there’s a snake in the garage. He’s all manly and says, oh, let’s just go see what all the fuss is about. He grabs a broom and starts looking but doesn’t see it. All of the sudden, I said, there! For the record, I did not scream. It was the kind of “there” you say when you’re right and he is wrong.

Dale suddenly sees the snake and screams. But after a moment, he remembers feeling manly, so he said, oh, it’s just a little garden snake. I’m like, are you sure? It’s not a rattler? No, he said, and he gingerly used the broom to shew Mr. Slithers out into the driveway.

After that, I avoided the garage. Seriously, I didn’t need anything out there anyway. I Googled rattlesnakes, so I would know exactly what they look like. I also read up on what to do if you encounter a snake of any variety and what to do if a snake bites you. Don’t cut yourself and suck out the blood. Do get to the hospital right away, because you will probably live.

I kept all this to myself, but then the damn broke on the way to the grocery store. I get in the car, and it’s like truth serum. I said, you know, we probably made a mistake buying this house.

What? Are you smoking crack? It’s great! We love it here!

But that was before I knew we lived in snake country.

We do not live in snake country. 

Snake country! How did we not know? The thing is, I’m over it already. Now it’s our little joke. And we love it here, we love our home, we love the community. I was not going to let snakes ruin my retirement – do you hear that snakes? You don’t own me! To be fair, it has been quiet since that first siting. I mean, here it is January, and I haven’t seen another one.

Probably resting up for spring.

In the meantime, here are the 21 columns:

  1. State
  2. State taxes
  3. County
  4. Town
  5. Population
  6. Home prices
  7. State-wide smoking ordinance
  8. Medical cannabis
  9. Miles to ocean
  10. Miles to Whole Foods
  11. Miles to commissary (retired military)
  12. Miles to airport
  13. Healthcare
  14. Average summer lows over 60 degrees
  15. Air quality
  16. AARP Livability Score
  17. Walkability
  18. Golf
  19. Wineries
  20. Public transit
  21. Other amenities
  22. Snakes

The best thing about retirement

I think one reason people are often unhappy in their jobs is the lack of control. For many, you are at the mercy of The Man, and you don’t realize the toll that takes until it’s gone. One of the best things about retirement has been the absence of what felt like constant electric prods – an email, a phone call, an IM, some executive or somebody somewhere is unhappy and needs something now. Drop everything!

Stress and even mind-numbing activity can be stimulating, but life without the prods makes me happy. It’s like there’s extra space in my brain. I love simple pleasures and having time to explore whatever I fancy. Breakfast with my husband, sharing sections of the newspaper. The library! Shopping for groceries in the middle of the day in the middle of the week. A crossword puzzle or a good book. Long walks and sunshine. Happy hour at 4.

To be fair, I should mention a couple of things about retirement I don’t like. For starters, I feel like the house elf. My husband does chores, but he really needs to be on a performance improvement plan. Stupidly, I signed up for floors – all the floors in the house, so that includes mopping and vacuuming. I probably need to renegotiate that deal.

Clutter and dirt screams out at me now that I am not at work all day. It’s in my face! I’m getting used to cleaning more, and I figure it’s good for me to keep moving. Housework is movement, after all.

Trips to Target are more complicated. I used to go by myself. Now, I say, hey, I’m going to Target, and my husband says, “Oh, yay, road trip.” Well, it was not exactly an invitation. We’ve reached a truce. If it’s a task-oriented trip all about hunting it down, killing it with a credit card and dragging it back home, fine, come along. But if I want to wander, I set expectations early. You can wander with me, but do not mess with my Target run.

The other surprise was anxiety. I’ve always been somewhat of a worry wart, but most of my energy was directed at work. I had very little time to let my mind drift to all the things that can go wrong. Suddenly I had a bunch of free time to think about the worst that could happen.

For example, we moved when I retired, and for a couple of months, we owned two houses. I would ruminate in bed at night: What if North Korea bombs us, and nobody buys our house? My husband was like, if North Korea bombs us, I assure you the house will be the least of our worries. But I would dig deeper. What if it’s just a mini-attack, the kind that dampens the market but doesn’t destroy civilization? Could we still sell the house?

Of course, the house did sell, and that was a relief. I still think about North Korea, but at least I only have one mortgage.